"Just Friends" and Lessons I've learned from God...

Jay & I are just friends and I am surprising really OK with that. I can confidently say that it is God and God alone who is definitely helping me out with this. The LORD has really protected and shielded my heart.....even when I wasn't guarding it as well as I should have. I am extremely grateful for my continued friendship with Jay and the many wonderful things we shared and taught each other. It is what it is Jay Jay!!!!! :-) I also wanted to share just some of the many lessons the LORD has been teaching me lately through HIS WORD!!! They are pretty lengthy but definitely worth the read. I pray in the Life Giving and Powerful Name of our Holy Lord Jesus Christ, that you are strengthened and built up in your walk with HIM!!!

Jeremiah 17:5-10

5 This is what the LORD says:
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.

6 He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.

7 "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.

8 He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."

9 The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?

10 "I the LORD search the heart
and examine the mind,
to reward a man according to his conduct,
according to what his deeds deserve."

Song of Solomon 8:4

4 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.

Proverbs 15:32-33

32 He who ignores discipline despises himself,
but whoever heeds correction gains understanding.

33 The fear of the LORD teaches a man wisdom,
and humility comes before honor.

1 Peter 3:8-9

8Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. 9Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.

Acts 11:19-24

19Now those who had been scattered by the persecution in connection with Stephen traveled as far as Phoenicia, Cyprus and Antioch, telling the message only to Jews. 20Some of them, however, men from Cyprus and Cyrene, went to Antioch and began to speak to Greeks also, telling them the good news about the Lord Jesus. 21The Lord's hand was with them, and a great number of people believed and turned to the Lord.

22News of this reached the ears of the church at Jerusalem, and they sent Barnabas to Antioch. 23When he arrived and saw the evidence of the grace of God, he was glad and encouraged them all to remain true to the Lord with all their hearts. 24He was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and faith, and a great number of people were brought to the Lord.

Acts 20:23-24

23I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. 24However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.

1 Corinthians 15:9-11

9For I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. 10But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me. 11Whether, then, it was I or they, this is what we preach, and this is what you believed.

1 Thessalonians 5:10-11

10He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him.
11Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

Hebrews 3:12-14

12See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. 13But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. 14We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first.

2 Peter 1:5-8

5For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians 4:3-5, 18-21

3I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. 4My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. 5Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.

18Some of you have become arrogant, as if I were not coming to you. 19But I will come to you very soon, if the Lord is willing, and then I will find out not only how these arrogant people are talking, but what power they have. 20For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power. 21What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a whip, or in love and with a gentle spirit?

Ephesians 4:1-6, 11-16

1As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— 5one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

11It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, 12to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

14Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. 15Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. 16From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

From my journal. 1-2-08 Wed 2:40pm.

God-first of all-I praise you. I thank you for everything. The highs and lows of my life. The love you've shown me is incredible. I am not meaning to seem prideful when I say this but I used to not feel like I deserved your love or was worthy of it. Now-I not only feel that I am worthy of and deserve your love-but I truly believe it! You are my bridegroom and nobody on the face of this earth will ever be that or take your place. Not even my future husband someday. Not even my future children. Not even the church. Not even missions. No desire of my heart will EVER be greater than my love for you and my desire to know you more intimately everyday. You are the love of my life, my all, my great romance. I love you. I love you! I love you!

There are several things on my heart-the main thing is Jay Jay. I love him and I'm not sorry for it. He is my brother. He is my best friend. I love him like I love my family. He is the missing piece that I didn't fully know I needed. Right now his heart doesn't match where mine is at and that's OK. He's not doing anything wrong. We are just moving at different paces. That's human. That's normal. Help me Lord to guard my heart as best as I can being a woman who is an emotional, sensitive, hugely affectionate love bug. Help me to stop before I know I should stop and help me to be prepared before moving forward.

Above all things LORD-You are my Master, my Maker, my Daddy and my Bridegroom. You have the key to my heart that only Jesus owns.

I LOVE YOU!
Sarha

Who is Jay?.....

someone asked.

Jay is my new BFF or as he says BFL (best friend for life) :-) ;-P >:o)

We have known each other for a year now. We go to the same congregation and he is one of Mike's (my cousin Melissa's husband) best friends.

Jay rocks-literally!

He is a great musician and writer. He plays electric and acoustic guitar, bass and has messed around with the drums some. He has written a lot of his own music and is currently the bassist for "Preachers", a Christian punk band with Mike and Pat. He plays for The King of Kings!!!

Jay is soooooooo metal that it practically seeps from his pores! hahahahaha

God has such a great sense of humor with us! We could not be more opposite! Yeah, so it's basically pretty awesome. :-)

Right now I guess we are "undefined" and we're OK with that.

We are best friends. We have feelings for each other. We talk until the wee hours of the night, for some reason it always seems to be around or past 2am when we are saying goodbye-Yikes! Can you say COFFEE?! hahaha

We can talk to each other about anything and without fear.

We trust each other.

He gives great "hubba hubba" hugs! :oP

God is our common thread, the golden fiber that is weaving our friendship together.

God first in all things.

We love, cherish and honor HIM.

God has put us in each other's lives.....

For such a time as this!

Godfrey

It was very crowded this morning on the subway. The snow and cold from the night before and the remnants of it today brought more people on the trains. Usually I get a seat right away but it wasn't until I got to Park Street that I was able to sit down. I slid over one seat which allowed for an older African man to sit down. He took his seat beside me and said, "Thank you. How are you this morning?" We then proceeded to make a little small talk which is something I rarely ever find myself engaging in when riding the T.

After the silence broke up our small talk, I took out my bible and began to read in Psalms from where I left off the day before. As I was reading, I happened to notice out of the corner of my eye how worn this gentleman's hands were and he moved them around every so often. I kept reading my bible hoping that it would spark his curiosity and maybe God would spark an interest in his heart for Jesus. After many stops later, I reached my Harvard destination and closed my bible and placed it back into my purse. Then the gentleman said to me, "That's good." And to my surprise, without any hesitation I said, "You have to arm yourself with the Word of God every day." He said, "That's right."

Even though we had reached our destination and were getting off the train, we kept talking. In a brief time span of about 3 minutes I shared my Christmas plans and about the loss of my sister. He had so much compassion in his eyes. I really felt it. Then he shook my hand. I asked for his name and he said, "Godfrey." I then introduced myself and we shook hands again. When we got off the platform we said our goodbyes and gave each other God's blessings and he reached out and hugged me! It was incredible! I felt like he was an angel sent by God. As I headed up the escalator I heard singing. When I got to the top there was a huge choir singing, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas", right there in the subway station! It was the most beautiful thing I've heard in a long time. They sounded so angelic.

My heart is touched.

The LORD is good.

He rejoices over me with singing.

Guarding My Heart With Mesh.....

Instead Of Stone.

Above all else, guard your heart,

for it is the wellspring of life.

(Proverbs 4:23 )

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you:

Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

(Song of Solomon 8:4)

God this is hard.

But it is so beautiful.

Please walk with Jay and I as we journey down this road together,

not fully knowing where it's leading,

surrendering our hopes and dreams to you.....

Our Creator who knit us together in our mother's womb,

Who has all our days ordained in Your Book,

Will our stories meet in the middle and finish together?

I don't know.

I don't have to know right now.....

You will make it clear.

Your timing is perfect.

All we have to do is continue to walk alongside you,

keeping ourselves open to Your Will.

My hands are empty,

waiting to be filled.

I stand.

A lady in waiting.

Just close your eyes.....

and it'll go way.....it'll get better.

Sometimes when I find myself in pain, heartache or deep longing.......it helps to just close my eyes.

After work today I "took myself out" to a movie. I went to see "Dan in Real Life" and I highly recommend it. I won't share a lot of details in case any of you go see it. But I will say this......it made me really feel. It made me want to cling a lot longer to the promised hope of my future husband. It caused me to not waver in believing without a doubt what the Lord told me when I was driving in my car about 2 years ago. He told me, "You're getting married.....he's coming soon."

I have been going through an intensely deep longing period lately. I'm "missing" my husband. I don't know where he is, who he is, what he'll look like or be like.....but I am so excited to meet him. My heart is very heavy. I've been describing it as a woman whose husband has gone off to war and she stands at the window to keep watch for his safe return home.

I've also been sad about no longer having my big sis around. I miss her a lot and have been struggling to remember what she looked like when she was well. I try hard to envision her in my mind and sometimes have to get a picture of her. I am afraid that I'll forget what she looks like. Last night I held a picture of her on my chest and talked to her.....telling her how much I love and miss her. I put her picture on my nightstand and held my hand out to hold hers. Then I dreamt about her. I just saw her face. She turned to look at me and smiling big she said, "Hi!" and waved to me. I woke up crying but was comforted by how happy she was.

Even in the midst of my longing and sadness, I am happy. I have been so giddy and free lately and people have noticed the difference in me. Last night at bible study I was so silly and lighthearted. I was goofing off, doing silly dances and making up crazy songs after worship practice. I played the piano a lot and taught Mike how to play "Unchained Melody." Man, I love the piano and really want to take it up again.

Before we left Jay said to Melissa, "Sarha is so childlike." That made me smile. On our way home last night Melissa said to me, "I don't know what's going on with you but for the past 2 weeks you've been really different.....funny and so carefree.....like a huge load has been lifted off of you." My response was, "He turned my wailing into dancing."

A load has been lifted off of me. It is God's doing. He's taking care of His girl.

You turned my wailing into dancing;

you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy.....



that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.


O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.



Psalm 30:11-12

Fasting for six months...

Although it would be cool to be super human and be able to fast from food for six months......that's not what I'm doing. I made a pact with Jess last month that we would fast some things that we love for six months. The main thing that we shared was clothes. I have become more aware lately of the amount of money I spend on things needlessly and carelessly. God has put me in a living situation that is ideal for saving money which I haven't been doing at all.

I have found myself "emotional shopping". It unfortunately has been very therapeutic for me during my family's excruciating and stressful times over this past year. There are a lot of good things that I want to do but don't have the money for because as soon as I get paid my money is gone off to paying store cards after shopping sprees. So with the new and sad awareness of my bad spending habits the Holy Spirit spurred me on to fast for 6 months. So the things that I love and am fasting from buying are:

Clothes/Shoes/Accessories
DVD's
CD's
Books

I am also fasting these things because I want to hear from the heart of God. I long to intently tune into His Voice and His Word.....which is living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword, penetrating even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; judging the thoughts and attitudes of my heart. Nothing hidden from His sight. Everything uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom I must give account. (Hebrews 4:12-13)

I want to receive His instruction and counsel in regards to my future and the way in which I should go. Yielding to His Holy Spirit and not fighting Him like and stubborn mule that needs to be controlled by a bit and bridle in order to come to Him. (Psalm 32:7-9, Proverbs 22:6, Isaiah 48:16-18, Psalm 143:7-9)

There are a lot of changes coming ahead for me. This time I am openly welcoming them. I am not scared. I am not nervous. And I am not worried. I am excited and thrust my arms up towards His Holy Hill.

No need to hold on for dear life.....

I freely let go and enjoy the ride.

I run in the path of your commands,
for you have set my heart free.
(Psalm 119:32)

My husband.....

I miss him.

How can I miss someone so incredibly much when I haven't even met him?

I can feel him.

He's close.

I'm praying for him.

I've cried out for his well-being.

I smile at our future.

I'm still being prepared for him.

A bride eagerly awaiting but still living.

Hopeful.

Living life freely.

Heart completely open to my Savior.

One day He'll bring us together.

Our notes will find each others song.

We are a beautiful and intricate rhapsody.

I love you.

California, good times and laughter...

"Aaaahhhhh". That's what I say with a pleasant sigh as I reflect on how awesome this time in Cali has been. I have never felt so relaxed in my life. This was exactly what I needed. I rested a lot! I'm not just referring to sleep either. I truly learned how to Rest in the presence of my Heavenly Daddy. I don't have to DO or BE anything with Him. I just Am.

Man, I have not laughed sooooooooo stinkin' much as I did this past week. It was awesome!!!!! I have missed those free spirited stupid moments. Jess, Rachael and I had the BEST girl night. Some memorable quotes from that night are:

"Um, I belong to BMG and I don't know if I can do that." (As I protested the idea of not buying cd's for six months)

"Wait a minute, you belong to BMG and you only have 100 songs on your iPod?!"

"Just go lick a knife!"

"International flavaaaaaa!" (Gotta love those foreign men)

Some other hilarious quotes from Jess's family that were as equally memorable are:

"I'm not freaking out!" (As Susanne was yelling and um....well....clearly freaking out)

"I don't want to fight about it." (As I inquired as to why Nate would buy mittens with the fingers cut out of them-which I clearly thought defeated the purpose of wearing mittens to keeps your hands warm, which would seem to include your fingers)

Man, I loved spending such quality time with Jess, her contagious laughter and smile! Fashion sense and style. Being so relatable!!! Dark beer-Yeaaahhh! I also really love her family and her cute little dog Oscar-He is sooooo funny! I had a great time swimming with Susanne and our thrift store marathons!!! Her love for her hummingbirds and her funny expressions. Sushi and Wine-YUM! Al is great. I like his distinguished look and the father vibe that comes off of him. Although, I'll still never understand how he has a boat but doesn't go fishing!!!!! That's like saying there's no water in the ocean! Yikes! :-) I'll miss him chasing the dog with the guitar and running around the kitchen as Oscar tried to get the can of soda. I love Nate's beaming smile which was the very first thing that stood out to me when we first met. His unexpected humor and his love for the song 'Umbrella'. Also, the shock factor in being introduced to 'Curb Your Enthusiasm', but dying of laughter and the awesome scenic drive that he took Jess and I on.

I haven't experienced such awesome community and fellowship as I did here in a long time. It was really authentic. The people of Cornerstone and Sanctuary are awesome. The weather is great. It was mainly in the low to mid 60's the whole time I was here and everybody was cold and I felt like it was a heat wave! :-) I got to fulfill a long dream of mine-get a professional massage and boy was it awesome!!!!! I also did some other pampering stuff like get a spa pedicure and manicure and shopped 'till I dropped! I slept in a bed that was clearly straight from heaven and enjoyed having the private sanctuary of my own bedroom and bathroom. I loved playing the piano and remembering how wonderful it is. I had some really good journal, cry and prayer sessions with God and realized how truly good it is to have your faith stretched hard.

Man, I don't want to go home today. I'm not ready. But the prayer that I'm leaving with that has been imprinted on my heart for days is this:

"Lord Jesus, please forgive me for choosing to let the love of the world in with all it's cares, worries, counterfeits and false promises. I just want you Lord. Jesus, I JUST WANT YOU!!!"

Resting...

I am in California right now visiting Jess and it has been wonderful. God knew just what I needed and right when I needed it. This trip has been a gift right from His hands. I have been "Resting" a lot. I have not really talked to God or read the bible much since I've been here.......but I have just been still and silent and Rested in His presence. He speaks to me even when I'm not talking to Him. He hears me even when I haven't called His name. And He embraces me even when my arms are to weak to hold out.

Thank you for letting me Rest in the shelter of your love.

Maria Mercedes Caraballo 2/4/1967-10/28/2007

You were a GIFT born into this world.......

And into heaven you are a TREASURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE YOU SISSY AND CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU AGAIN IN OUR FATHER'S HOUSE!!!!!

7 Years

It's been 7 years since I got saved. God persistently pursued me through a one of a kind Texan pastor and a little church. As my eyes opened up like a newborn baby and were flooded with the light of Christ, then my heart began to change as well. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I call the verses below my 'salvation verses'. I found them early on in my walk with God and felt such a personal touch from Him as the words came alive. It seemed as if He stood over me as I laid there in my slumber of Darkness and Ignorance..... and He poured out the Word from His mouth all over me, filling my room with His Brilliant Light and Truth.

Isaiah 65:1

I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me; I was found by those who did not seek me. To a nation that did not call on my name, I said, 'Here am I, here am I.'

Ephesians 5:13-14

But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light.

For this reason it says,

Awake, sleeper,

And arise from the dead,

And Christ will shine on you."

Although it seems like 7 years is far removed..... it also sometimes still feels close at hand. In many respects I have clearly come a long way from where my life used to be and how I was living 7 years ago. Unfortunately, there are some things from my old life that spring up in my new that I struggle with. Sometimes I think that they're long gone and dead. Other times they seem to flare up with new life in them. In my struggle with sin I recall this thought:

'Satan is quick to remind and God is quick to forget'.

I thank God that Jesus is right there with me fighting on my behalf. I am not alone.

Hebrews 4:14-16

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Hebrews 7:24-26

...but because Jesus lives forever, he has a permanent priesthood. Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.

Such a high priest meets our need—one who is holy, blameless, pure, set apart from sinners, exalted above the heavens.

Romans 8:26-28

In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;

and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

The number 7 seems to be the most significant number in the Bible. I've heard it said that 7 is 'God's number' and is associated with His divine completion and perfection. I did a search on http://www.biblegateway.com/ for 'seven' and in the King James Version it came up 562 times! I wonder if my 7th year of salvation will be very significant and stand out from the rest. This year has been very hard. I've experienced a lot of change in my life and in the life of my family. I've struggled in my walk with God and sometimes feel that I've desensitized myself to the voice of the Holy Spirit. I don't know if that's really possible because I know that I am never far from God's reach.

John 10:3-5

The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice.

Father God, thank you for calling me out by name and choosing me. Thank you for providing the only way to You through the death and resurrection of your precious son Jesus Christ. Thank you that through Him I have the greatest gift ever..... Salvation and Eternal Life!

Philippians 1:6

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing

365 Days-Learning from Yesterday to move forward into Today

It has been a year since I left Orlando for Boston, made a u-turn after 3 weeks and headed back to Orlando, spent 4 months with my family helping Maria, struggled to understand what the heck God was doing, worked at unscrambling my thoughts and tried to help God with figuring out the who, what, when, where and why of my life.

As I reflected on the past year this thought came to my mind,

"Learn from yesterday in order to move forward into today.....and don't worry about tomorrow, God is already there!"

I have found that to be so true in my life, especially lately. There have been both good and bad things that have come into my life over these past 365 days. I have found myself in an awkward place right now.....with God and life in general. I'm not sure if it's a "wilderness" experience or not. It's just different. I haven't been here before and I find myself stumbling like a baby learning to walk.

Stumble (Merriam-Webster's Online Dictionary)
intransitive verb
1 a: to fall into sin or waywardness b: to make an error : blunder c: to come to an obstacle to belief
2: to trip in walking or running
3 a: to walk unsteadily or clumsily b: to speak or act in a hesitant or faltering manner
4 a: to come unexpectedly or by chance b: to fall or move carelessly

Wow, I am amazed at the 1st definition of stumble! To be totally honest I have found myself 'falling into sin and waywardness' this year. For some reason I am always quick to forget that I am not the 'only one' in this struggle with sin. I am continually reminded of my weaknesses, shortcomings and dependency on Christ alone. I know that Jesus is my foundation and when I stand on The Rock I will truly stand firm in Him and not fall. I am greatly humbled as I think upon His never ending steadfast mercy and grace. Tonight the love and sacrifice of the Savior is freshly renewed in my heart, mind and soul. And the words to an old hymn fall off my lips along with tears of repentance, gratitude.....and a humble heart.

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing

Come Thou Fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
Mount of God's unchanging love.

Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Hither by Thy help I'm come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let that grace now like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.

Finding My Roots...

SH'MA
Deuteronomy 6:4-9

SH’MA YISRAEL, ADONAI ELOHENU, ADONAI ECHAD!
BARUCH SHEM, K'VOD MALCHUTO L'OLAM VA-ED!

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is One!
Praised be His Name, whose kingdom is forever and forever!

4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

I love the Name and Power of GOD! I learn a bit more Hebrew every time I go to my congregation, Sha'ar Hashamayim (The Gate of Heaven) http://www.shaarhashamayim.org/ and I get so excited when a Hebrew song or prayer randomly pops into my head! For most of today the Sh'ma (above) has been in mind and on my lips. I am freshly blown away and in awe of how God is I AM. He is all, in all and above all things. I shake my head in wonder when I try to comprehend all that God is.

1 Corinthians 2:6-16 (NIV)

Wisdom From the Spirit

6We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. 7No, we speak of God's secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. 8None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. 9However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"— 10but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. 11For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. 12We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. 13This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words. 14The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. 15The spiritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man's judgment: 16"For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct him?" But we have the mind of Christ.

There comes a time in a person's life when they do some searching. They may wonder where they come from, what their lineage is, who their ancestors are. In my congregation, I am in a great 'eye, mind, soul and heart opening' place of finding out where the Christian roots come from. These are great truths and help me to understand the Word of God so much better. Everything has finally clicked on in my brain and come to life and I wonder why the heck wasn't any of this ever taught to me before in 'the church'? I am starting a book called, "Our Father Abraham, Jewish Roots of the Christian Faith" by Marvin R. Wilson (http://www.amazon.com/Our-Father-Abraham-Jewish-Christian/dp/0802804233) which I'm sure will be eye-opening.

I'm really encouraged as I continue on my journey with God and as in Ephesians 1:17-19 I pray this for myself and for you:

17I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. 18I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, 19and his incomparably great power for us who believe.

Somewhere in-between Fear and Faith

I am scared. My sister is not well. Just last month she was doing great.....tumors had shrunk so much that one of them barely picked up on the MRI. It was a miracle! Now they say they have found something "new". Now she can barely eat or stay awake throughout the day. Mom is on a much needed overnight retreat with her sister so I came to stay at my parent's for the weekend to be with Maria & Evan. As soon as I walked through the door and saw and heard my sister fear flooded me. Right away I saw how much thinner she's gotten just from the last time I saw her 2 weeks ago. Then witnessing her mind not being sound did me in. As soon as the fear hits I have to pray.

"OK LORD, the fear is back again, please take it away. I know that you told me that Maria is healed. I know that you gave me Psalm 118 for her and in that it says 'I will not die but I will live to tell what the Lord has done!' I know that you spoke the words 'Dissolve and Destroy' to my mother and she believed you were speaking to the cancer. So what the heck is going on? This doesn't make sense. Help me to trust you!"

Then I wrestle with some pretty morbid thoughts and I have to fight them off as if flailing my arms around to ward of a swarm of bees. Speaking of bees, Psalm 118:10-14 says...

10 Though hostile nations surrounded me, I destroyed them all with the authority of the Lord. 11 Yes, they surrounded and attacked me, but I destroyed them all with the authority of the Lord. 12 They swarmed around me like bees; they blazed against me like a crackling fire. But I destroyed them all with the authority of the Lord. 13 My enemies did their best to kill me, but the Lord rescued me. 14 The Lord is my strength and my song; he has given me victory.

When I'm afraid and my faith starts to weaken, God repeatedly calls out and says "DO NOT FEAR FOR I AM WITH YOU!"

Psalm 27
Of David.

1 The LORD is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid? 2 When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. 3 Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident. 4 One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. 5 For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. 6 Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the LORD. 7 Hear my voice when I call, O LORD; be merciful to me and answer me. 8 My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face, LORD, I will seek. 9 Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, O God my Savior. 10 Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me. 11 Teach me your way, O LORD; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. 12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, breathing out violence. 13 I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. 14 Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

Evan & Isabella-This is why I love them!!!

I'm Alive...

Hello World, it's been a while. There's a lot that I want to share but it'll come a little later. I will say that I have found myself lately in a place that is undesirably familiar.....

The Wilderness..........

I foolishly took my eyes off of my Redeemer and cast my gaze upon another.

Hosea 2 (NIV)

1 "Say of your brothers, 'My people,' and of your sisters, 'My loved one.'

Israel Punished and Restored

2 "Rebuke your mother, rebuke her, for she is not my wife, and I am not her husband. Let her remove the adulterous look from her face and the unfaithfulness from between her breasts.

3 Otherwise I will strip her naked and make her as bare as on the day she was born; I will make her like a desert, turn her into a parched land, and slay her with thirst.
4 I will not show my love to her children, because they are the children of adultery.
5 Their mother has been unfaithful and has conceived them in disgrace. She said, 'I will go after my lovers, who give me my food and my water, my wool and my linen, my oil and my drink.'
6 Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.

7 She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. Then she will say, 'I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now.'
8 She has not acknowledged that I was the one who gave her the grain, the new wine and oil, who lavished on her the silver and gold—which they used for Baal.
9 "Therefore I will take away my grain when it ripens, and my new wine when it is ready. I will take back my wool and my linen, intended to cover her nakedness.
10 So now I will expose her lewdness before the eyes of her lovers; no one will take her out of my hands.
11 I will stop all her celebrations: her yearly festivals, her New Moons, her Sabbath days—all her appointed feasts.
12 I will ruin her vines and her fig trees, which she said were her pay from her lovers; I will make them a thicket, and wild animals will devour them.
13 I will punish her for the days she burned incense to the Baals; she decked herself with rings and jewelry, and went after her lovers, but me she forgot," declares the LORD.

14 "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.

15 There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.

There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt.

16 "In that day," declares the LORD, "you will call me 'my husband'; you will no longer call me 'my master.'

17 I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips; no longer will their names be invoked.

18 In that day I will make a covenant for them with the beasts of the field and the birds of the air and the creatures that move along the ground. Bow and sword and battle I will abolish from the land, so that all may lie down in safety.

19 I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion.

20 I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD.

21 "In that day I will respond," declares the LORD—"I will respond to the skies, and they will respond to the earth;
22 and the earth will respond to the grain, the new wine and oil, and they will respond to Jezreel.

23 I will plant her for myself in the land; I will show my love to the one I called 'Not my loved one.' I will say to those called 'Not my people,' 'You are my people'; and they will say, 'You are my God.' "

Thank you LORD for keeping your vows.......for always being faithful even when at times I wander away from you and get tangled up in the thorns and thistles of this world. Thank you for pulling the prickers out of my flesh and for washing my wounds with your healing balm.

Thank you for bearing what I could not.....

The Cross

Orlando "Drive By" Visit

The last weekend of March I flew down to my "other home" of Orlando, FL to help dad load up my parents big ole moving truck and then make the long journey with him to my parents new home in Brookfield, MA. I was only in town for a couple of days but I made the most of it to spend some good quality time with my sisters, nieces, friends and ex-coworkers.

I arrived in warm Orlando on Thursday evening and was picked up by my best bud Tara. I was so happy to see her and we easily jumped right back into being our 2 year old selves. :-) Then my first stop was spending the night at my sister Laura's house. It was so awesome to see Laura, John, Kayla, Isabella, Sondra and best of all my new niece Mia Jolie who was born on January 19th! She is the sweetest little baby ever! I got to have a sleepover in Isabella's room and snuggle with her in her castle bed-she sure is a princess alright. :-) She gave me lots of love which I have missed so much.

On Friday I brought a pizza lunch to my 2nd family at GCM and had a great time of fellowship with my old co-workers. It was good to catch up on each others lives, joke around and laugh. I have missed that closeness in the workplace. It was such a blessing to spend time with them again. Friday evening I got together with some of my closest friends for dinner at Thai Basil. Great company and great food....Mmmm Mmmm! :-)

Saturday was the big loading day. Thank God for all of the amazing helpers we had- friends, family, folks from GCM and h2o. We truly couldn't have done it without them-THANK YOU!!!!!!! It felt weird saying goodbye to my parents house in Orlando. We had so many good times there. One thing that I love about my parents is that their home was always open to people. My mom actually often had get togethers and pool parties 'just because'-there didn't even really have to be a special occasion. We all loved being with each other and having a good time. :-)

Saturday night was really special. Laura and Sondra both just had their birthdays in March so we all went out to dinner at Longhorn's to celebrate and spend time together. It was a big gathering-Me, dad, Laura, John, Kayla, Isabella, Sondra, Kreg, Mercedes, Mia, Tara, Rosie, Cathryn and Kevin.
Sunday morning came too quickly and along with it a bit of sadness. I wish I had more time to spend in Orlando-especially with my sisters. I miss them a lot. I am excited about the possibility of my nieces Mercedes and Kayla coming to Boston for a week this summer to stay with me. I can't wait!!! I'm sure I'll make frequent visits to Orlando-maybe my next one will be in the Fall.

All in all my time was literally short and sweet but reallyyyyyyyyy good! :-)

Thawing Hearts & God's Goodness

So much has been going on....good stuff though. Work, church, family and home life have been great. My only real complaint I would say has been that I keep getting sick. The weather really fluctuates here. When I first arrived in late December 2006 it was between 40-50 degrees which was awesome and I only needed to wear a light jacket or sweater. Then the weather went down to the low 20's-mid 30's on average and even plummeted to 3 degrees one day. Last weekend it was beautiful and strangely warm-58 degrees!!!! Now it's back in the teens and once again I am sick. I hope I get used to the weather soon-my body needs a break!

God has used the cold weather to speak something so deep to me that pierced my heart. He said, "Like the ice that's frozen all around you, I will thaw the hearts of these people." I pray that He does! I am clinging to that wonderful promise. I have been reading so much of the Word and it continues to be explosive and enlightening in a way that I never experienced before moving back to MA. The Gospel has been afresh in my heart and I feel that God is building up my knowledge of the Word and confidence in speaking it out in a huge way!!! It has been really exciting. One day I was just so taken back and amazed at how far I have come since I came to know the Lord......how far removed from my old life I am......how I don't even really know how to live the way I used to anymore.......how it would feel like I was pretending if I even tried to live an ungodly life. I mean don't get me wrong, I am still a sinner, but I don't want to deliberately sin anymore. God has been teaching me a whole lot more about sin and obedience. Not obeying just because in the end it's good for me, which it is, but because I whole-heartedly love my Heavenly Father and want to live according to His ways. I truly want to be holy because God is holy and I am His child.
1 Peter 1:15-16 And I want to share in His holiness. Hebrews 12

God has also shown me some things that are of new interest to me....things that I never really gave much or any thought to before. For instance, there is a high school right down the street from my house that I walk by everyday on my way to the subway station. I see teenagers out there all the time and there is also a G.O.A.L.S. program center directly across the street from the school. I suddenly felt a bit of a burden for high schoolers that I didn't have before. About five years ago I used to volunteer with my old church's youth group. The main things that I did was make lunches for the group and pray for them. I didn't really have one on one bonding time with any of them....well maybe with the exception of one student. For some strange reason I had felt really intimidated by youth and didn't know how to possibly relate to them. So often, whenever I was around youth I felt just like I did when I was a teenager-a bit of a loner at times and very shy. So, I don't know if God wants to do something with this or not. I'm open to it though.

It's no secret that I have a heart for the nations to be reached and since being here in Boston it has increased big time!!! Boston and surrounding cities are so international. The neighborhood where I live in North Quincy is very Asian. When I ride the subway I love looking around at all the people....such a variety. Today I was struck with how God created us all so different and unique. I can't even count how many nations were represented from just my subway rides! I get so excited hearing people speak in different languages and it gives me a glimpse of what it will be like in heaven one day-when all nations will come and worship before God. Revelation 15:3-4

God has been doing some awesome things in the lives of my family members. We have really been experiencing His goodness.....to the point of overflowing! Maria's brain shunt surgery went great! She was released from the hospital the very next afternoon! She wasn't in any pain either. Mom & I saw an immediate difference in how she looked (so much color back in her face) and walked. She is such a trooper. She also finally received social security for her & Evan. What a burden the Lord has lifted! God is amazing! Please continue to pray for her. She starts a new chemo treatment tomorrow.

A really cool thing happened a couple weeks ago when my cousins & I went to my mom's for the weekend. Maria had been telling me that she's been craving some good Praise & Worship, so we brought it right to her. Mike plays the guitar and he, myself and Melissa all sing well-so we led a time of worship and prayer for Maria. It was me, Mike, Melissa, Maria, Evan, Mom and my cousins Cindy and her daughter Gwen.

I was very encouraged that Gwen came. She has been very closed off to God and now there is definitely evidence of change. She has started attending a weekly bible study that my cousin Jamie leads and she stayed for the whole worship & prayer time for Maria-and even sang along a bit! She said that she really enjoys the bible studies and the way that our cousin Jamie breaks down the Word in a way that she can understand. Please pray for Gwen-that she would be one who receives the seed that fell on good soil, hears the word and understands it and produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. Matthew 13:23 I was also touched in a very special way as I watched my 3 yr old nephew move to the music during worship. After we finished praying he looked up and said, "I like those stories." Mom & Maria told me that he loves to pray and go to church with our cousin Laureen (Jamie's mother). Little Evan is so precious! What a warrior for God I pray he will become one day.

I've also been thinking lately about my future husband. I currently am not involved in a relationship nor are there any prospects on the horizon. I've been reading up more on the scriptures that address marriage and singleness and have been challenged in a new way. One thing that really struck me was where it says, "I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible. 1 Corinthians 7:32-35

My heart really wants to do whatever will help me serve the Lord the best, with as few distractions as possible. So, am I saying that I think I have been called to singleness? I don't think I'm saying that. I am saying that I have sought the Lord and prayed about that more. However, I do believe with all of my heart that the Lord told me that I am going to be married. I believe He's also given me bold promises for me, my husband and our future children. But, I am not married, I am 28 which in this day and age in society (and to some of my family) is like 50-so my time is quickly running out right?! Well, I honestly don't think it is. I am content right where God has me in my life right now. I am confident that I am where He wants me to be. I know what the Lord spoke to me in our secret place and I will continue to treasure up all these things and pondered them in my heart just as Mary did when the shepherds spread the news of Jesus' birth. Luke 2:19

I want God to have His way in every area-every little nook and cranny of my life. I don't want to be unwilling or refuse to yield to Him. I pray that I choose to follow in His footsteps daily.....even though His footprints are bigger than my little feet. He knows that. And I know that I can rest in His shadow and dwell in safety there.

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21