Today

Today I sit here realizing that I haven't updated this with anything for over a year!!! Much has gone on.

Today I sit here as a married woman. Jay & I got married on 2/6/2010. We are living in a studio apartment with our two cats Stryper & Petra. We are working and saving up money for a house. Jay hopes to own a two family home by 2011 and rent out the other unit. We are both at the same jobs we've been at but are restless and ready for change. I need to learn to be grateful for what we have and that we have employment! Restless has been the most accurate word to describe my life lately. I am not where I want to be but I don't know where I want to be yet. I am also not the person I want to be or thought I would be and have found myself envious of other people. Mostly the things that I envy are their close, deep relationships with God, the Kingdom work that they are doing and the strong, healthy, God-centered marriages that they have.

I love God but I haven't been loving Him like I use to. My relationship with Him was so incredible in my days in Orlando and when I moved back to MA. I know I can't go back in time but I really miss my relationship with God then and I want it back. I have just become lazy and made so many excuses. I don't want to do that anymore.

I am not the wife that I want to be. Sometimes I feel that the wife I want to be is simply just unattainable. I need to put God first and love Him deeply and strengthen my relationship with Him before I can do that with my husband. When I skimp on that the effects show greatly. We don't have a bad marriage by any means but we need God's help during this first year adjustment especially.

So who do I want to be and what do I think I want to do? I want to be a serious strong Christian woman who soaks up the Bible and treasures her time with the Lord daily. I want to be a real student of the Word and share it confidently with the world. I want to tell others about the awesomeness of God and His Son Jesus Christ. I want to live and leave a godly legacy. I want to be involved in Kingdom work. I want to love, care for, support, honor, respect and cherish my husband as the head of the house. I want to trust my husband in every area and submit to his godly authority.

I want to be a good faithful worker at whatever place of employment the Lord has me in currently or in the future. I want to give God a good name by living out a godly life that brings honor to our Maker! I want to serve the Lord and His people in whatever way He wants me to. I want to and am willing to go wherever He leads my husband and I to go and do whatever work He calls us to do. I really want to be a mentor or teacher in some way......talking to and building relationships with those seeking God, new believers and helping to encourage those who have been in the faith. I love international people and my heart gets gripped for the nations. I want to reach them.

I want to care less about what I need to survive in this world and care more about The One who saved me from the chaos of this world!!!!! I want to seek after the Kingdom of God and long for my real heavenly home! I hope that someday in God's perfect timing that Jay & I will have a family of our own. I pray that I will be a great mother and he'll be an awesome loving father. I pray that we will raise up a godly family and train them in the ways of the Lord and dedicate them to do God's work. I want to love my children, teach them, encourage them to follow after the call that God will give them for their lives, honor them, protect, nurture and cherish them.

I want to live by the principles found in Deuteronomy 6:4-9 and Matthew 22:37-39 which say,

"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself."

I can't attain to all of this Today.

But Today I choose to START!!!!!!!