My Job, Lessons Learned & God's Provision!!!

I know this is long but PLEASE read it when you can. It is very important to me and I would greatly appreciate it!!! :-)

As you know the interview that I was supposed to have before leaving for vacation never happened. They never called for the interview and never called me back after I called them. They also never responded to my voice mail or e-mail........now the job is gone and I have no idea what happened.....other than to conclude that it was NOT the job that the LORD wanted me to have. So far I have received three rejections....not even given interviews and these are all for jobs that I am more than qualified for and even jobs that are the same exact thing that I do now! I applied for three more jobs since then and have still heard nothing.

I have been praying this whole time that the LORD would bring me to the job where HE wants me to be in order to further the advancement of the Gospel and to increase my boldness! I 100% accept that if that means HE wants me to stay at my current job of 25 hours per week in order for my boss or someone else to get saved, SO BE IT! If that means going outside of Harvard and losing the amazing benefits/vacation/perks, SO BE IT! If it means finding a full-time job (which is what I've been looking for from the beginning, I didn't CHOOSE part-time, it was what was hiring and the best transition for me when I moved back to MA) and taking a pay cut, SO BE IT!!!!!!! God already KNOWS!!!!!!

"The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps." (Proverbs 16:9)

I really believe that. God is teaching me a lot though in my current job situation. One main theme is, "How do you expect to be a great worker somewhere else when you are not being your best where you are at?" I do a great job and get everything done but am I striving towards excellence in all that I do? Sadly no. God has really been impressing this scripture on my heart,

"Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance It is the Lord Christ whom you serve." (Colossians 3:22-24)

God knows my situation. It does not take Him by surprise!!! :-) I have also had a good reality check recently, Jay kindly reminds me that ALL of my IMMEDIATE needs are being taken care of, God ALWAYS provides for me and has NEVER left me with nothing!!!! I was reminded of times in the past where I only had change in the bank, but you know what, I HAD change in the bank! Also, there were COUNTLESS time when the LORD blessed me through others who anonymously sent me money and left scriptures with it. Two of those scriptures I still remember and often reflect on them,

"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands...." (Deuteronomy 7:9)

"I the LORD do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed. Ever since the time of your forefathers you have turned away from my decrees and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you," says the LORD Almighty. "But you ask, 'How are we to return?' "Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me. "But you ask, 'How do we rob you?' "In tithes and offerings. You are under a curse—the whole nation of you—because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it. I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not cast their fruit," says the LORD Almighty. "Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land," says the LORD Almighty. (Malachi 3:6-12)

So is this whole "job issue" really just a matter of the "heart" or completely "financial"?

I believe it is both. God has and is continuing to work on my heart, to be the best. I still fall short of this daily (as does the whole human race!) but I know in my heart and mind that I am not giving my best ultimately to the LORD through ALL that I DO and SAY in my life!!! Some may say that I am being too hard on myself and to give myself some grace. I understand that but the LORD has called us to a higher standard of living and I'm not trying to be a perfectionist, (none of us can even come close to perfection this side of Heaven) I am simply desiring to "up-the-Annie" so to speak and truly LIVE OUT LOUD the way the LORD calls me to attain to living. Apart from HIM I can't do anything, I don't even have the energy to think of living how I should. Honestly, plain and simple, I want to live as the person He made me to be!

I want to be an imitator of God! (Ephesians 5:1-2)

I want to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which I have been called! (Ephesians 4:1-3)

I'm sick of my own self, my whining, and especially at times my ungratefulness! I have NO ROOM to complain, I really don't! You know what, all of my immediate needs ARE being taken care of: Rent, Tithe, Food, Utilities and just enough to make minimum payments towards paying off my PAST debt (currently around $6,000).

Thank you to those who love me and have blessed me with other things such as treating me to dinner/movie/coffee/activities and for randomly giving me grocery items and/or money. My cousins Melissa/Mike who gave me a good deal while living with them which made my transition to MA smoother, my parents for letting me use their new car for a year without charging me anything and also for blessing me with the money I needed to get into my Apt. with Sandra, my sister Sondra (through Maria) who blessed me with an unexpected gift which allowed me to pay off a little debt and buy a chair for my living room.

I also thank God for Jay who has been an amazing support to me, who has helped me financially on countless occasions and blessed me with a winter coat/boots/clothing/etc. It is so humbling and I DO NOT like to ASK for anything. I NEVER want to look like "that needy girlfriend who can't fend for herself", but Jay said something amazing to me that I totally didn't expect for him to say, "Aren't I a husband in training? I want you to come to me. I want to know how to provide for you. Let me love you." THANK YOU GOD!!!

Sometimes I don't think I deserve such good treatment and blessing from God or anyone for that matter because I put myself into debt. I am NOT furthering my debt but because I was never able to pay it off completely and have only been able to make minimum or just over minimum payments, it of course just sits there and accumulates more interest/finance charges.....even after lowering my APR, transferring everything (for the most part) to one account, etc. Friends have encouraged me to not stress out so much about this and that I basically have my whole life to pay it off, but I HATE knowing that I owe so much (to me it is feels like $1 million dollars!)

Also, I just want to be the best steward of what God has entrusted to me. In thinking of my future with Jay, I know that in marriage (we are talking more about this and believe God is leading us in this direction but no plans yet folks) my debt will become his debt. I don't feel like that is fair to him to walk into marriage with debt when he doesn't have any. He basically told me though that it wasn't a big deal and that it would get paid off.

So basically I keep trying to take the "reins" of my life and think things like,

"Well, if I just got a really good-paying full-time job, especially still within Harvard, then I could pay off all my debt, be able to tithe beyond what I'm "supposed to", be able to financially support and bless the missionaries and ministries that I have been wanting to help for years, actually be able to HAVE money in my savings account, be better prepared for unexpected situations in the future, be able to not worry about having to buy "necessary" clothing/other items or doing something fun and not feel guilty about it, freedom to travel and especially to be able to go on mission trips. I DON'T need nor do I even desire to be rich!!!!! I honestly just want to have enough to live/tithe/save and BE ABLE TO BLESS OTHERS!!!!"

Thank you all for praying and continuing to pray for me as well as my roommate Sandra. She was laid off around a month and a half ago (the hospital she worked at closed down and 70+ people were layed off) and was receiving severance pay which just ended today. Well, PRAISE GOD THAT SHE GOT A NEW NURSING JOB AND STARTED TODAY!!!!!!!!!!! God is so awesome and comes through all the time......even at times when it's right down to the wire! HE IS GOOD!

I often tell people that God rewards faithfulness and obedience. I am also learning more and more that "Obeying the voice of the LORD is better than sacrifice" (1 Samuel 15:22)

I thank you all so much for your countless prayers on my behalf and ask you to continue to pray for me. Please let me know how I can be praying for you as well, I want to know your needs and I really want to pray for you!!!!! Let's all live as HE lived and let it be in such a way that we would continually walk in the manner worthy of the calling with which we have been called-AMEN!!!!!

In Him,
Sarha :-)

Jay's Heart and a Shared Prayer

My love posted this today.

I am touched by his humbleness and desire to change.

It echos the ache I find in my heart at times......

To be better.

To love God more.

To enter into His Glorious Kingdom and to stand in the presence of the Almighty!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life

If anyone reads this, please pray for me. I want to just be a better person. For God, my girlfriend, my friends, and even myself. A lot of times I feel like I don't have the energy or willpower do to the simple little things that other people seem to have no problems with. I need to be less selfish and more generous. It's hard for me to open up. I want to know God more as well. I want to hear God say, "Well done faithful servant, enter in to joy today." I feel like I haven't been the most faithful servant. Not even close. I want to live life more abundantly and be in God's will.

Breaking open the Word of God.....

Studying God's Word has been AWESOME! We are going through an End Times study at Sha'ar which has been interesting and informative.....as well as confusing sometimes. I like to ask a lot of questions. I am blown away by all the things that I've never heard before in the "traditional christian church" that seemed to either get skimmed over quickly or not talked about at all. I am also continually fascinated as I learn more about the Jewish roots and how I have been grafted into the family......while provoking the Jews to jealousy which prayerfully will result in their hearts turning to Yeshua Ha'Mashiach-The Messiah.

In my own personal study times (mainly on my train rides to and from work) I've mostly been reading in 1st and 2nd Samuel....well I started in Ruth....went into Judges and then just decided to keep going. It's been really cool! I'm really getting an up close and personal view of David's life. I've been moved by his deep friendship/kinship with Jonathan and identified with the pain of their separation. I was also touched and saddened by Saul's progressive downfall.......how he held David in high esteem and as a son.....then came to despise him out of jealousy and wanted to kill him. What touched me deeply was when Saul spoke this to David after David had spared his life.....

1 Samuel 24:16-20

16 Saul asked, "Is that your voice, David my son?" And he wept aloud. 17 "You are more righteous than I," he said. "You have treated me well, but I have treated you badly. 18 You have just now told me of the good you did to me; the LORD delivered me into your hands, but you did not kill me. 19 When a man finds his enemy, does he let him get away unharmed? May the LORD reward you well for the way you treated me today. 20 I know that you will surely be king and that the kingdom of Israel will be established in your hands.

I started a pretty basic bible study (Ames) with my roommate and we worked through our 1st lesson today. I was so proud of her and excited to see her get into the Word and read out loud, asking questions and reading the surrounding verses to get what the context of the scriptures is saying. I think we went for almost 2 hours and we only got through about half of the 1st lesson! Well, there is no better way to study the bible than to dig deep! Jay & I will be starting a bible study together as well. We don't have any structured format but the important thing is that we want to get in the word together (and individually of course) and allow the Lord to teach us and draw us closer to Himself and each other.

A couple weeks ago I started beseeching the Lord and asking Him again to show me what He wants me to do ministry wise......also letting Him know that I am still open to missions. I want to be a witness to the world!!! Well, just 2 days after I asked, He opened up a door for me to share about God's love, hope and salvation with a guy name John that I met on the train. I will definitely write more about him later-it is an intense story!!! There have also been 2 other people that I've met on the train (one of which works at my YMCA) that I've had the opportunity to chat with and talk about God!!!

God's Word is living and active and I'm amazed at how conversations have started just from people seeing me reading my Book and asking me what it is.

I tell them, "I'm reading the Bible, you have to arm yourself with the Word of God and fill yourself with The Truth everyday!"

AMEN!!!

He Loves Me!!!!!

This morning Jay made me the happiest woman alive. He told me that he loves me!!!!!

I love him soooooooo much and I've actually loved him from the beginning.

He said he's been wanting to tell me but he was a bit scared and wanted to wait until he was ready.

Thank you GOD for bringing us into each others lives and at just the right time.

I found the one my heart loves.....

(Song of Solomon 3:4)

Leaving.....

....."We have left everything to follow you! What then will there be for us?"

Matthew 19:27

....."Everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life."

Matthew 19:29

My family will be leaving Massachusetts and making their journey back to life in Florida. But for the LORD'S SAKE, I will remain where He has me. He will fulfill the purpose He has for me. I will wait expectantly with my eyes fixed on Him, The Author and Perfecter of my Faith.....

Parched and dried up in this desert place.....

Not much is going on, well at least nothing really note worthy. I've been pretty blah lately and haven't been who I used to be. My relationship with God just isn't where it was before. It was awesome last year....figures, it was during the most horrendous time of my life that my walk was almost at its best. Now, I don't know what's up. I don't feel close to Him right now. I haven't been feeling stirred by the Word or the Holy Spirit. I have been lazy with getting in the Word regularly and pretty much don't have a prayer life. I've let things come out of my mouth that shouldn't come out of it and I've allowed myself to do things that I shouldn't do. For months now I've felt like I'm just playing "lip service" to my faith and that people would hardly recognize that I'm actually a true believer. I hope this passes. I don't feel real. This is affecting every area of my life.

I'm not saying that everything lately has been all bad cause there have been a lot of good things that have happened too. I'm still loosing weight........Jay & I are doing well and getting closer each day, I love him a lot.......I got a dollar raise at work, stuff like that. But, I'm just not satisfied. I'm not fulfilled. I've been chasing after worthless things.....counterfeits......things to quickly feed my flesh to stop the hunger within......only leaving me with a gut-wrenching, gnawing hole bigger than the one I tried to fill with everything BUT God. I know that I know that I know that God IS exactly what I want and IS the ONLY thing that will completely satisfy and fulfill me and give me fullness of life. But, I can't see Him. I can't touch Him. I can't hear His audible voice. I can't wait for the misery and pressures of this world to end and for the peace of God to come.

I don't want to love the world.

I want to love God.

Please have mercy Oh LORD and lead me beside the still waters again.

Rain on me.

Goodbye to the 200+ pound woman!

Spring 2007
Spring 2008


I am so happy, ecstatic, proud, giddy, excited, determined, motivated, etc!!!!!

For years I had hoped that one day I would be free of my 200+ body. And for years I just honestly didn't care enough about myself to really do anything about it. Last fall I finally got to the place in my life where I cared and I wanted to live a healthy lifestyle and honor God with my body. I started cutting down on my carb intake and really put forth effort into cutting out/down on bad foods/drinks and eating much healthier. And the best birthday gift I ever gave myself was joining the YMCA this past February. My highest weight was 218 and as of yesterday's weigh in at the gym, I am currently 188!!!!! I'VE LOST 30 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a lot more to lose but I am so excited about being healthy and looking and feeling better. Being overweight is so debilitating and robbed me of a lot of fun and happiness for years. NOT ANYMORE!!!!!!

GOODBYE 200+ WOMAN!!!!!! I WON'T BE SEEING YOU AGAIN!!!!!!!

End of the Six Months Fast!!!!!!

That's right. The six months fast that I started with Jess last November has now come to an end! The LORD led me to fast the following items as a result of emotional shopping.

Clothes/Shoes/Accessories/DVD's/CD's/Books

I learned a lot during that time. I saw what my needs were and the dumb ways that I was trying to meet them.....which ended up hurting me more in the end. A lot has happened in these six months. I found the love of my life-Jay! Got some new responsibilities at work. Became the new Treasurer at my congregation. Got a new roommate and moved into an awesome apartment. Lost nearly 30 lbs. Gave myself the best birthday gift of joining the Y with my boyfriend and roommate. Jay and I are doing awesome and looking and feeling better every day!!!

I have been blessed and I know the LORD is going to continue blessing me out of his abundance and overflow of love for me!

One cool thing is that you think that now that the fast is over I'd want to run right out and buy everything in sight. Well, I honestly don't even have the money to do that!!!!! I've also learned the importance of being more disciplined. I believe that the LORD has been teaching me how to live.......to learn what I really need vs. what I just want. I love that He ALWAYS provides and sometimes surprises me by giving me what I want too! He rocks! Since I've lost weight though and warmer weather has finally arrived here in New England.......I do want to buy some new clothes.....especially some nice dresses! Good Ole Uncle Sam surprised me today when I went to the bank and saw that nice extra tax refund! Woohoo. My roommate and I will finally be able to buy a couch and I will buy some clothes and put the rest away in savings!

Sweeeeeeeeeeeeet!!!!! :-)

Loss

Family belongings strewn across the driveway and garage.

Yard Sale.

Memories so old.

Clothes worn by loved ones.

Movies watched and music played.

Maria's candelabras.

Her household decorations.

I just can't use them. I've already taken so much.

Mom's old sewing machine and artwork I grew up looking at.

Leaving.

It's all leaving.

They are all leaving.

I am losing my family......

ALL

OVER

AGAIN.

Thank you GOD for sending Jay to me at just the right time. I don't know what I'd do without him. I need his comfort and love. Thank you for being so kind and sending more sunshine into my life.

I am not alone.

YOU

ARE

HERE

WITH

ME!!!

Pics from Melissa's Murder Mystery Dinner Party 5/2/08

"Bodyguard Jay & Desert Flower"Sarha aka "Desert Flower"
Us :-)
More Us :-)
The (hot) Hat Kiss LOL :-)

Jay & Sarha sitting in a tree...K.I.S.S.I.N.G.

Many asked.....so finally....here are our first "couple" pictures. Aren't we just so adorable! Yeah, I think so. We're pretty awesome. :-)

Yeah, Yeah......it's been a while!!!

In no particular order, here goes an update.....

JAY AND LESSONS FROM THE LORD:

He is awesome. We are doing great. We are seeing just how much work it takes for a relationship to be healthy and successful!!! Never in my life have I put forth so much care and effort and being mindful of my mate's needs before my own selfish desires. I can honestly say that this is the first Real Christian relationship that I've been in. I have said for years that, "Next time, I am doing it God's way!" It's awesome to see that Jay's heart is in the same place. We won't compromise.

One thing that is a bit vulnerable to share but I will share it anyways because I think it could help some people out.....Jay is a virgin and I am not. I come with a past but I have been made new and clean by the life saving and giving blood of Jesus Christ. Jay used to always say that he would never be with a girl that wasn't a virgin. He says that he feels differently with me though and he knows that God has changed me and made me like a "born again virgin." So I am OK that he is a virgin and he's OK that I am not. However, I aint even gonna try to lie.....purity is really flippin' hard!!!!! Oh my GOD, help us!!!!! LOL Let me just say, we have seen that kissing (especially w/ tongue) is a "Gateway Drug".....it leads to other things.....either doing them or lustfully thinking about doing them!!!!! RUN TO THE HILLS!!!!!!!!

This is why GOD gave me this verse very early on in our relationship.....

Song of Solomon 8:4

4 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.

I didn't get it when GOD told me that. I mean I took it as He was saying that we couldn't be together or that it wouldn't work. He wasn't saying that at all. He literally was telling me not to arouse or awaken love UNTIL it so desires. So when is UNTIL? Until = MARRIAGE.....

IT IS UNITING...

Genesis 2:23-24

23 The man said,
"This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called 'woman,'
for she was taken out of man."

24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

IT IS HONORABLE, HOLY, PURE AND SACRED...

Hebrews 13:4

4Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

IT IS TO SET A GODLY EXAMPLE AND WITNESS...

1 Timothy 4:11-12

11Command and teach these things. 12Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

IT IS TO PROTECT AND KEEP US FROM TEMPTATION AND SIN...

Matthew 26:41

41 "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

James 1:13-15

13 When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. 15Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

IT IS FOR OUR GOOD, THAT WE MAY SHARE IN GOD'S HOLINESS...

Hebrews 12:1-12

God Disciplines His Sons

1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

4In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
6because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."

7Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

12Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 13"Make level paths for your feet," so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.

MY NEW ROOMMATE, SANDRA:

She rocks the "Hi-zouseeee!".....as I like to say. :-) God was VERY purposeful in putting us in each others lives!!! We have so much fun together and definitely DON'T act our age. LOL :-) To be honest, there is a big part of her that is so familiar to me....that really hits close to home. She reminds me of Tara.....even right down to Diet Pepsi!!! There are aspects of her past that mirror Tara's and my heart can identify and hurt when she hurts and rejoice when she rejoices. One thing that these true women of GOD have that is so amazing to see is......COURAGE!!!! Even when life can seem to hand you "hell on earth", they still keep up their courage and press on. I wish the road wasn't so long, hard, excruciating, dark and lonely at times. I wish I understood their struggles more. But the awesome thing about it is this.....GOD comforts us in our struggles so that we in turn can comfort others in theirs.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7

The God of All Comfort

3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

MY CONGREGATION, SHA'AR HASHAMAYIM:

I love this family that I have become a part of. I continue to learn so much about GOD and understand the Holy Scriptures so much better. God's word IS living and active!!!! God's WORD-YESHUA IS LIFE!!!!! I feel like I am in bible school, which is good and something that I've wanted. I am actually still considering bible school but I don't have the money for it. We'll see what God does. I know that if He wants me to do something....that He ALWAYS provides a way for me to do it, I am confident about that. I love singing on the worship team and learning more Hebrew and Messianic songs. I am making more friends too which is awesome. I seriously have such a wide range of friends that come from all different walks of life. That is another thing that I love about this congregation. The people come from all different backgrounds.....it makes it so rich and beautiful! We learn a lot from each other and really pull through as a tight family when someone is in need or hurting. Thank you God!!! I continue to grow in confidence in my new role as Treasurer for the congregation. I understand that I am much harder on myself and I need to, as Rabbi Henry says, "Just relax, it's really no big deal." And you know what, it isn't. There are some challenges to it but I enjoy it and am growing.

MY FAMILY:

Well.....my parents and Evan are moving back to their home in Orlando, FL. around September. As sad as this makes me and I feel like I am losing my family all over again......I understand. Mom and Dad are having a really hard time since Maria passed away. Mom said that the only reason they moved back here was to try and save Maria's life. Also, they are renting out their house in Orlando and the tenants are wrecking it, so they need to get them out. And Dad really needs to retire. I'm pretty sure that Sondra and her girls will follow them back to Orlando. We'll see what happens with that. I would be the only one left in Massachusetts. I am OK with that though. I know that this is exactly where God wants me to be. I grow more and more confident of that every day as He continually gives me more and more glimpses into His promises for my future. The one thing that I am happy about is that Laura will have most of her family back as she is the last one left in Florida. My heart is glad for their reunion. And hey, I will visit frequently (I hope) and be able to stay with them. I'll also be able to see all my Floridian friends....I miss them all so much!!!

Matthew 19:27-30

27Peter answered him, "We have left everything to follow you! What then will there be for us?"

28Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. 30But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first.

MY JOB:

They like me and actually just the other day commended me on "A Job Well Done!" So that was pretty cool. I do like my job and am getting to know the people better.....but there's still something missing. I know that something missing is GOD. I think I am the only Christian there...at least that I know of. I miss having the support of others and being able to stop and pray with them. My job pays the bills but honestly it doesn't provide much more than that financially. With just moving in a new apt and having other added bills......I can't really save for anything with what I'm making. I mean the hourly rate is AWESOME, but I don't get enough hours and they can't offer me anything more. So, I have thought about looking elsewhere within Harvard. That way I can keep the same benefits and they really are an exceptional place to work for and have a lot to offer. We'll see what happens. I need to really pray about it.

See ya lataaaaaaaa......

OK, that's enough of an update for now. I know there is more but I'm running on fumes right now. I am so thankful for the LORD'S friendship though. He is with me everyday.....even if I'm not drawing as close to Him as I should be.....he still actively pursues me and draws closer to me.

Thank you GOD for always extending your arms of love.....

Happy..........

and In Love.


I am at my parents for the weekend.

Jay is with me.

He met my family for the first time and although he felt nervous at first, so far everything has been completely natural and really good. Thank you GOD!

I love that Jay loves my cooking.

That also makes me feel loved back.

He comforts me in a way that I've never been comforted.

I've been missing my sister Maria a lot lately and have found it hard to talk about her without crying.

He lets me cry.

He touches me on the shoulder or strokes my hair.

He holds me and just listens.

He doesn't try to fix me.....because he can't.....only God can and he knows that.

He just lets me be and that also makes me feel loved.

He takes care of me so well. He lays his hands on me and prays for me when I'm sick or hurting.

He challenges me and tells me like it is. And I do the same in return.

Our friendship is unconditional.

His purity encourages me and causes me to keep pressing on in the strength of my purity and the promised hope of marriage and the blessing of when "The two shall become one."

Thank you God for this "blind-sided surprise!"

For great is your love, reaching to the heavens;
your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

Psalm 57:10

Update!!!

Where do I begin?! So much has already happened this month. I'll just jump right in.

Sandra and I moved into our new home in Quincy Center on Feb. 1st. It is absolutely amazingly awesome and beautiful! We are so happy!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU GOD!!!!!

My congregation, Sha'ar Hashamayim is AMAZING! IT IS MY HOME!!!!! THANK YOU AGAIN GOD!!!!!

Jay is a breath of fresh air. We fit. He is amazing and I have never been so happy with anyone before as I am with him. THIS IS REAL!!!!!!! We get so much closer as each day passes. And as each day passes I wonder how I went so long without him in my life. We are right and so good for each other. We spur each other on and encourgage one another in our walks with the Lord. We pray for each other and hold each other accountable. Again, we fit!!! He is my best friend and the missing peice of my heart. I stand amazed at God's goodness and all the amazing ways that He blesses and suprises His children. God definitely rewards Faith and Obedience!!!!!!!

Again and again and again.......

THANK YOU GOD!!!!!

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!
His faithful love endures forever!

Psalm 118:1

Changes

There are a lot of changes happening in my life right now.

With open arms I welcome them.

Unafraid because the LORD himself has been preparing me for a while now.

I stand amazed at His goodness and grace.

Isaiah 43:15-19

15 I am the LORD, your Holy One,
Israel's Creator, your King."

16 This is what the LORD says—
he who made a way through the sea,
a path through the mighty waters,

17 who drew out the chariots and horses,
the army and reinforcements together,
and they lay there, never to rise again,
extinguished, snuffed out like a wick:

18 "Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.

19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.

I got a new soul-mate friend, Jay (note to self: Sarha, when God speaks-listen and obey. He knows what He's doing and has good things in store for me. "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires!" Song of Solomon 8:4)

After a little over a year, last Friday I became a member of my congregation, Sha'ar Hashamayim. I am also their new Treasurer. I am so honored and blessed to be a part of this incredible family. I am truly HOME!

I just had my One Year Anniversary with Harvard Magazine and was asked to take on a new role in addition to my Gift Processing duties. The Classifieds Department's sole financial person. This is a great opportunity and I am genuinely excited to learn new things. I am also growing in confidence daily as I gain more knowledge for the future.

I am finally in a good place in my life where I truly value bettering my health. This is no longer a life long "New Year's Resolution" but a REAL way of life for me. I haven't been super restrictive but I am just choosing foods more wisely and staying away from "carb central". I know that when I board the carb train, it ends up taking me for a long ride and then decides to stay with me. So, I naturally have gotten better with lowering my carb intake. I've also cut out "emotional junk food fests" and instead I ask myself, "Am I really hungry, What's the real problem?" When I diagnose the problem properly then I can learn to treat it in the right way. I've also been walking a lot. It has helped that Melissa, Mike, Jay and I have been a team and a good support for each other. I still have a long way to go but I am ecstatic that for the 1st time in I don't actually know how many years, I am under 200 pounds! I currently weigh in at 197 and last year I got to my highest of 218! Thank you God for giving me the strength, courage, desire and stamina to keep moving forward!!!

I just got a new big, beautiful and so Sarha friendly apartment in Quincy Center with my friend and new roommate Sandra from church. God totally EXCEEDED my expectations with this place!!! It is on the 2nd floor of a two family house, has a 3 season sun room, a small back porch and large common area deck downstairs with a big bench and grill, tons of windows that let in lots of natural light which keeps the energy costs low, spacious living room, dining room and kitchen, brand new dishwasher, garbage disposal, toilet and bathroom sink and vanity, central air/heat, 2 ceiling fan/light fixtures, built in dining room hutch, newer berber looking carpet, our own laundry room right off the kitchen-no more going down to a basement to do laundry!, new paint, 2 good sized bedrooms and our own parking lot. The location is awesome! I will still be close enough where I can walk to the subway and not have to drive! The neighborhood is great and quiet with parks, restaurants and shops nearby. We are so excited to move in February 1st!!!!! I haven't had my "own place" since Heather Glen days back in Orlando. I MISS YOU TARA!!!!!!

God is so close to my heart. I feel the warmth of His touch as He holds my life in His hands, treasuring every moment with me and knowing that this is only the start of a Life Eternal with His Beloved!

Deuteronomy 33:12

12 "Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him,
for he shields him all day long,
and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders."

No, really...we're "just friends", right???

Lately, it seems to be as if Jay & I are the newest movie featured on the Lifetime channel (as Mike puts it LOL). We've been good acquaintances for over a year through church, then I think in late November we just seemed to discover each other out of nowhere. Where the heck did he come from? Better yet, how did he fly under the radar without me detecting his awesomeness? LOL. It has been interesting. Since late Nov/early Dec we have spent almost every day either together or talking on the phone...um or both. :-) We found out that just when we thought we were so different...we were the same in so many cool ways. We just genuinely enjoy each others friendship and getting to know each other more as each day passes. We have gone on a couple dates and had some "snuggle fests", which later proved to be a bit much-Oops!

Unfortunately, you don't know how things are going to go until you experience them. I am so thankful for learning experiences, in the present and in hindsight. As a woman, well I guess I should not generalize women and say, For Sarha-it is hard not to let my heart jump ahead of my mind. My heart really started to feel a lot of things for Jay in just a months time-which freaked both of us out. I had NEVER felt those emotions for ANY man before in my entire life. IT WAS WEIRD!!!!! So, understandably that freaked Jay out. Initially I was DEVASTATED that his heart didn't match mine. He also did admit to unintentionally leading me on. To me it seemed as if we were both on the same page, at least outwardly. So, when we had "the talk", it came out that he felt like things were moving too fast and he feels bad that it takes him longer to "get there".

So, after that talk we have still been talking and hanging out but there haven't been any "snuggle fests", LOL. Which now I do see as being a good thing. We've even started a new healthier way of eating (along with Mike & Melissa) and are encouraging each other to live a better lifestyle. Jay & I are walking buddies too. I think we make a good team. :-) We are friends foremost but are still open to the possibility of becoming more. Only time and God will tell.

It is what it is.

And it is SO GOOD!!!

"Just Friends" and Lessons I've learned from God...

Jay & I are just friends and I am surprising really OK with that. I can confidently say that it is God and God alone who is definitely helping me out with this. The LORD has really protected and shielded my heart.....even when I wasn't guarding it as well as I should have. I am extremely grateful for my continued friendship with Jay and the many wonderful things we shared and taught each other. It is what it is Jay Jay!!!!! :-) I also wanted to share just some of the many lessons the LORD has been teaching me lately through HIS WORD!!! They are pretty lengthy but definitely worth the read. I pray in the Life Giving and Powerful Name of our Holy Lord Jesus Christ, that you are strengthened and built up in your walk with HIM!!!

Jeremiah 17:5-10

5 This is what the LORD says:
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.

6 He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.

7 "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.

8 He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."

9 The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?

10 "I the LORD search the heart
and examine the mind,
to reward a man according to his conduct,
according to what his deeds deserve."

Song of Solomon 8:4

4 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.

Proverbs 15:32-33

32 He who ignores discipline despises himself,
but whoever heeds correction gains understanding.

33 The fear of the LORD teaches a man wisdom,
and humility comes before honor.

1 Peter 3:8-9

8Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. 9Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.

Acts 11:19-24

19Now those who had been scattered by the persecution in connection with Stephen traveled as far as Phoenicia, Cyprus and Antioch, telling the message only to Jews. 20Some of them, however, men from Cyprus and Cyrene, went to Antioch and began to speak to Greeks also, telling them the good news about the Lord Jesus. 21The Lord's hand was with them, and a great number of people believed and turned to the Lord.

22News of this reached the ears of the church at Jerusalem, and they sent Barnabas to Antioch. 23When he arrived and saw the evidence of the grace of God, he was glad and encouraged them all to remain true to the Lord with all their hearts. 24He was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and faith, and a great number of people were brought to the Lord.

Acts 20:23-24

23I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. 24However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.

1 Corinthians 15:9-11

9For I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. 10But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me. 11Whether, then, it was I or they, this is what we preach, and this is what you believed.

1 Thessalonians 5:10-11

10He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him.
11Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

Hebrews 3:12-14

12See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. 13But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. 14We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first.

2 Peter 1:5-8

5For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians 4:3-5, 18-21

3I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. 4My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. 5Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.

18Some of you have become arrogant, as if I were not coming to you. 19But I will come to you very soon, if the Lord is willing, and then I will find out not only how these arrogant people are talking, but what power they have. 20For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power. 21What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a whip, or in love and with a gentle spirit?

Ephesians 4:1-6, 11-16

1As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— 5one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

11It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, 12to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

14Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. 15Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. 16From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

From my journal. 1-2-08 Wed 2:40pm.

God-first of all-I praise you. I thank you for everything. The highs and lows of my life. The love you've shown me is incredible. I am not meaning to seem prideful when I say this but I used to not feel like I deserved your love or was worthy of it. Now-I not only feel that I am worthy of and deserve your love-but I truly believe it! You are my bridegroom and nobody on the face of this earth will ever be that or take your place. Not even my future husband someday. Not even my future children. Not even the church. Not even missions. No desire of my heart will EVER be greater than my love for you and my desire to know you more intimately everyday. You are the love of my life, my all, my great romance. I love you. I love you! I love you!

There are several things on my heart-the main thing is Jay Jay. I love him and I'm not sorry for it. He is my brother. He is my best friend. I love him like I love my family. He is the missing piece that I didn't fully know I needed. Right now his heart doesn't match where mine is at and that's OK. He's not doing anything wrong. We are just moving at different paces. That's human. That's normal. Help me Lord to guard my heart as best as I can being a woman who is an emotional, sensitive, hugely affectionate love bug. Help me to stop before I know I should stop and help me to be prepared before moving forward.

Above all things LORD-You are my Master, my Maker, my Daddy and my Bridegroom. You have the key to my heart that only Jesus owns.

I LOVE YOU!
Sarha