I am really frustrated and just want to throw in the towel on this whole Boston thing. I am sick of feeling discouraged and conflicted. I really need God to speak to me. I need Him alone to tell me why I am here and if He really sent me here. I am confused. This week is better than last week in that I didn't cry the whole time. I just don't know what's real and what's not right now. I don't know if I can even trust my own emotions. All I want to do right now is pack up and go back home to Orlando. This just isn't what I thought it would be. I don't know if I made a mistake or if this is natural or what. I feel like I left the best thing possible in Orlando and for what? What did I do this for? I felt so completely confident earlier this year about this whole move. I believe God spoke to me in some huge ways. I go back through my journal entries this year and I know God was working and moving in my life. I felt so sure about Boston. Now I am not so sure. I don't know what to be sure about. I am really frustrated and discouraged and God is truly to only one I can cling to. I mean I have my cousin here and I can talk to my family & friends on the phone.....but it's not the same. I desperately need God to help me here. I kind of feel like this is a test....where I put into practice everything I've learned and believe about God.......and even though I know (head knowledge) that God is going to take care of me and is powerful and will work everything out........I feel so weak and afraid. So as of today I just want to go back home and find a job there. I'd have the support of my family & friends and I would just plain ole be back home.
I need God alone to tell me what to do.
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3 comments:
Sarha
Your post mirrors how I've felt almost the whole time in Orlando. Read what I wrote today. I know God called us where He has for a reason. I have learned to stop fighting in my own power and let Him be God and I'm finally seeing Him come through in amazing ways. Press on, Sista! Don't doubt his call.
I love you
All I can say is that I'll keep praying for you, my friend!
Oh Sarha!
I am so sorry this has been so hard. My heart goes out to you. I remember moving from Miami to Orlando. In Miami all the streets are part of a grid and numbered by 10s. 138th street, 148th street, etc. Every street here in Orlando was named, not numbered! I also only had my aunt here. I didn't know anyone else. So, I had no friends and no way to find any even if I knew where to look for some! But it got better, a lot better, and it will for you too. It is so hard when our support systems are gone. Thank God for God! We love you Sarha, do not be afraid or worried. Call us as much as you need to, but also explore a little too. Find out what you love about Boston. I know God called you there and that He has amazing things to give you and amazing things for you to do. Go find them!
I love you!
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