My Sister....and Coming Home

My sister Maria has been in the hospital this week. She first was complaining of severe headaches and would see her Dr. about that and they would just give her more pain meds. It finally got so bad that she brought herself to the emergency room. It was there that the Drs. discovered that she had swelling of the brain and fluid on her brain. She was then flown by helicopter to Florida hospital where she is in ICU. They did a spinal tap yesterday to drain fluid. My mom called me this morning to tell me that today they found lesions on her brain. They have to do surgery this Friday. My mom told me that Maria said she really wants me to come home and that she needs my support and help especially during her recovery. Please pray for my sister and my family. My mom has been taking care of my nephew and I think she's trying to be strong for everyone. This morning she bought plane tickets for me and my cousin Cindy to go to Orlando. At this point I don't know what my future plans are......to eventually go back to MA or to stay in FL. Please pray for my sister's healing, comfort for my family and for discernment for me.

God is with us.

Getting Better Each Day...

Hello World :-)

Here's a quick update from my last post. I was really down and at a very low point when I last wrote. Things really do get better each day. Today I had my first job interview and I think it went OK. It's for a development Assistant-Gift Processing position at Tufts-New England Medical Center in China Town. A lot of the job description looks similar to what I did at GCM except for the development stuff but I am very teachable and will learn it. I go back on Friday to meet with the hiring manager so we'll see what happens. I'm still going through a bit of doubt, confusion, fear and insecurity and I wish I would just feel normal already. I haven't been connecting with God as much as I'd like. I really want that to change and hope it does soon.

I've been sensing this week that I don't have to force myself through things......for example it is OK for me to grieve right now. I mean c'mon.....I literally left the life that I knew in Orlando....my family, friends, job, church, car, furniture......everything. I left all the comforts of home and it is OK, good and normal for me to grieve that loss. Also I'm seeing that I don't have to instantly zap myself into happy and excited mode. I seriously have to tell myself to just take things one day at a time. God is with me and loves me and will not abandon me. I was reminded the other day of one thing that I had been saying months before moving to MA......"God would not lead me somewhere and then tell me to fend for myself!" I'm glad that popped into my head again. I had forgotten about that.

The Truth is awesome.

Frustrated!

I am really frustrated and just want to throw in the towel on this whole Boston thing. I am sick of feeling discouraged and conflicted. I really need God to speak to me. I need Him alone to tell me why I am here and if He really sent me here. I am confused. This week is better than last week in that I didn't cry the whole time. I just don't know what's real and what's not right now. I don't know if I can even trust my own emotions. All I want to do right now is pack up and go back home to Orlando. This just isn't what I thought it would be. I don't know if I made a mistake or if this is natural or what. I feel like I left the best thing possible in Orlando and for what? What did I do this for? I felt so completely confident earlier this year about this whole move. I believe God spoke to me in some huge ways. I go back through my journal entries this year and I know God was working and moving in my life. I felt so sure about Boston. Now I am not so sure. I don't know what to be sure about. I am really frustrated and discouraged and God is truly to only one I can cling to. I mean I have my cousin here and I can talk to my family & friends on the phone.....but it's not the same. I desperately need God to help me here. I kind of feel like this is a test....where I put into practice everything I've learned and believe about God.......and even though I know (head knowledge) that God is going to take care of me and is powerful and will work everything out........I feel so weak and afraid. So as of today I just want to go back home and find a job there. I'd have the support of my family & friends and I would just plain ole be back home.

I need God alone to tell me what to do.

My First Week

Well today marks my first week in Boston. Here's a quick recap. It was a hard and emotional first week........I cried a lot and missed my family in Orlando greatly.......I don't know where anything is.......and it is so different here. Things got better over the weekend. I got a lot of encouragement from my friends Jen and Roy. I overcame a huge fear.....something that any other person might see as pretty silly but for me it was a huge victory.......I took the T (subway) for the first time and I was by myself. I am feeling a lot better today...... I wasn't sad at all. Today I posted my resume and started looking for jobs. I am growing more confident in believing that I will have even more victories here and will continue to overcome fears. God will see to that, he will not stop until I am completely VICTORIOUS.

HE IS FOR ME!!!

New Home

I got here to Boston safely yesterday around 1pm. We made excellent time. It was really good having 3 drivers. Today I went around with Melissa......ran errands, went to Ikea to get furniture for my room, woohoo.........and then we went to her work. Now we are home just chilling out. We'll probably put some of the stuff together for my room. I don't have much to write today. I just wanted to give a quick little update. I will say that so far it just feels like I have just come for a visit. The weather is beautiful and I am really enjoying my new home. The place is really nice. I need to keep reminding myself that I need to take life one day at a time and to 'not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present my requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus.'

Yup, now the sadness has definitely hit me.....

I am really sad this morning. It hit me last night that I am moving and won't have my friends here.............I won't have my family...............Why am I moving from my family????? I am leaving in a few hours and my friends are packing the car as we speak. Tears, tears, tears....this hurts. :-( My heart and mind is conflicted with knowing that this is right and that I need to do this and with this horrendous sorrow.

I've been praying that God will really be my best friend in this time.

It's not hitting me yet........

I just got off the phone a little while ago with my friend Roy. He's all packed, Jen's packed, her dad will pick up her kids tomorrow at 5am, she'll go to work with Roy, he'll hopefully be done by noon, then they'll start their long drive down to Orlando.

I can't believe it's already here. My departure is so close.

My last day of work was technically Monday but we ran into quite a few kinks so I stayed another day. I thought that it would be hard leaving work yesterday but it wasn't at all. There were no teary goodbye's or anything like that. It just felt like I was leaving for the day. Should it have been different? Maybe people just don't like to say goodbye. Although, this has been quite a long leaving process for me, so maybe people feel like I've been leaving for a long time now and they've had a lot of time to adjust.

Today I went back to the office to meet some friends to go out for lunch in honor of Caroline's birthday. While I was there I handed in my office keys to Jeff. I thought that would feel weird but that didn't either! Tonight I went to my women's small group for the last time and when I left that didn't feel weird.

So, I don't think it's hitting me yet that I am moving. I've had goodbye parties and had my last hang out times with friends and I haven't been emotional at all. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe it'll help me to really enjoy my time with my family and friends without being a blubbering mess.

Tomorrow morning I'll say farewell to my car and sell it to Miss Autumn. :-) I've had many awesome exploring/prayer drives with the Lord in that car. Man did I give Him an earfull. I'm so glad that He listens.......moreover that He actually delights in listening to me. That's incredible! :-) I am soooooooooooooooo excited to see Jen and Roy!!!! I can't wait!!!! They rock. I'm looking forward to them meeting my friends here in Orlando. It's going to be good! :-)