Today

Today I sit here realizing that I haven't updated this with anything for over a year!!! Much has gone on.

Today I sit here as a married woman. Jay & I got married on 2/6/2010. We are living in a studio apartment with our two cats Stryper & Petra. We are working and saving up money for a house. Jay hopes to own a two family home by 2011 and rent out the other unit. We are both at the same jobs we've been at but are restless and ready for change. I need to learn to be grateful for what we have and that we have employment! Restless has been the most accurate word to describe my life lately. I am not where I want to be but I don't know where I want to be yet. I am also not the person I want to be or thought I would be and have found myself envious of other people. Mostly the things that I envy are their close, deep relationships with God, the Kingdom work that they are doing and the strong, healthy, God-centered marriages that they have.

I love God but I haven't been loving Him like I use to. My relationship with Him was so incredible in my days in Orlando and when I moved back to MA. I know I can't go back in time but I really miss my relationship with God then and I want it back. I have just become lazy and made so many excuses. I don't want to do that anymore.

I am not the wife that I want to be. Sometimes I feel that the wife I want to be is simply just unattainable. I need to put God first and love Him deeply and strengthen my relationship with Him before I can do that with my husband. When I skimp on that the effects show greatly. We don't have a bad marriage by any means but we need God's help during this first year adjustment especially.

So who do I want to be and what do I think I want to do? I want to be a serious strong Christian woman who soaks up the Bible and treasures her time with the Lord daily. I want to be a real student of the Word and share it confidently with the world. I want to tell others about the awesomeness of God and His Son Jesus Christ. I want to live and leave a godly legacy. I want to be involved in Kingdom work. I want to love, care for, support, honor, respect and cherish my husband as the head of the house. I want to trust my husband in every area and submit to his godly authority.

I want to be a good faithful worker at whatever place of employment the Lord has me in currently or in the future. I want to give God a good name by living out a godly life that brings honor to our Maker! I want to serve the Lord and His people in whatever way He wants me to. I want to and am willing to go wherever He leads my husband and I to go and do whatever work He calls us to do. I really want to be a mentor or teacher in some way......talking to and building relationships with those seeking God, new believers and helping to encourage those who have been in the faith. I love international people and my heart gets gripped for the nations. I want to reach them.

I want to care less about what I need to survive in this world and care more about The One who saved me from the chaos of this world!!!!! I want to seek after the Kingdom of God and long for my real heavenly home! I hope that someday in God's perfect timing that Jay & I will have a family of our own. I pray that I will be a great mother and he'll be an awesome loving father. I pray that we will raise up a godly family and train them in the ways of the Lord and dedicate them to do God's work. I want to love my children, teach them, encourage them to follow after the call that God will give them for their lives, honor them, protect, nurture and cherish them.

I want to live by the principles found in Deuteronomy 6:4-9 and Matthew 22:37-39 which say,

"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself."

I can't attain to all of this Today.

But Today I choose to START!!!!!!!

Jay & Sarha's Engagement!

On Sunday evening, 4/26/09 my sweetheart Joseph James Cavallaro proposed to me in front of many loved ones at a gathering at our Rabbi (Pastor) Henry's house!!! We are so thrilled and can't wait to become husband and wife. We don't have a date absolutely set in stone yet but we are looking at sometime in November. Here is our very funny and adventurous engagement story!!!

The "special date":

Jay told me over a week ago to not plan anything for Sunday, 4/26 because he was going to take me on a special surprise date. So, on the beautiful very summer like spring day he picked me up and we headed out, 1st stopping at a very popular coffee shop called "Marylou's Coffee" where we both had never been. Yummy! And the place is so cute...looks like a little castle inside! :-) Then we drove up to the (original, haha) destination......A CARNIVAL!!!!! Jay knows that I love carnivals and he had found one weeks ago in the next town over. Well, we got there to find out that it was very small with about 5 rides of which we BOTH get sick on. And to top it off he had set his heart on proposing to me on a romantic ferris wheel ride. Well, there was no ferris wheel because it had broke down, DOH!!! He was heart broken and looked for other carnivals to take me to but there either weren't any going on that day or they also didn't have a ferris wheel!!!

So he then wanted to take me to Blue Hills (a beautiful reservation that we frequently go hiking in) for a nice romantic walk. He was trying to find a special rock that we found when we were hiking in the fall that had "LOVE" painted on it. Well after 3 attempts of trying to find the rock we ended up lost in Blue Hills for 2 hours, hot, exhausted, dehydrated, and here I was in a skirt and flip flops.....not very good hiking attire! We were so frustrated and took turns along the way as to who was having the worst attitude! At one point we sat down on a small cliff like rock to rest and when we got up I slipped and almost fell off and Jay caught me! I screamed and cried hysterically and said, "Can we please just get out of here and go to Henry's already!?!" Oh, it was so miserable!!!!! Poor, poor Jay, he tried so hard to make it a special day! So, we finally found our way out and got back on the main trail, that is after having a run in with a snake and racing past it as fast as we could! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Relieved to be literally "out of the woods" we talked about the lessons we learned from God while lost.....

Jay: "I need to always LEAD you and NEVER leave you behind."
God put this verse on Jay's heart: "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death." Proverbs 14:12

Sarha: "I need to TRUST you in every situation and stick by you regardless of how I may feel."
I also wrote and sang a praise song to God along our journey!!! It was awesome and Jay said that I should write ballads for him! :-)

So, after our adventure we headed to Henry's house and had a great time of feasting & fellowship. Towards the end of the evening Cherri told us that she got a new Paul Wilbur video (one of our favorite and well known Messianic singer/musicians) and as we sat there watching it Jay turned to me and said, "Hey this is just like how we first started talking. At Henry's Hanukkah party back in December 2007 we sat together and talked the whole night while Paul Wilbur was playing in the background." I then looked at him and said, "We have come full circle!" Jay felt at that time God confirmed that was the right moment to propose.

Soon after he was up and loudly said to the crowd, "Listen up people, listen up, I have an announcement to make!" Then he quickly came over to me and got down on one knee and said, "Sarha Jean Caraballo, will you marry me?!" The first thing out of my mouth was, "Did you talk to my dad?" Jay said yes and I then said yes but he didn't hear me and stayed there kneeling and said, "What do you say?" And I said, "I said YES!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA The whole thing was so comical but awesome! It ultimately was how I had hoped it would be, surrounded by lots of loved ones! So, now the planning begins.....one day at a time right?!?!?! Please pray for us as we prepare to become husband and wife....for the Lord's wisdom, guidance, strength and peace!!!!!

Blessings to you all in the name of Yeshua-AMEN!!!
Sarha & Jay :-)

Future Hope & Glory!!!

14For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.

15For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!"

16The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God,

17and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him.

18For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

19For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God.

20For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope

21that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God.

22For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now.

23 And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body.

24For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees?

25But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.

26In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;

27and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

What A Promise LORD!!!!!

Thank You Abba Father.....MY DADDY!!!!!

1Then a shoot will spring from the stem of Jesse,
And a branch from his roots will bear fruit.
2The Spirit of the LORD will rest on Him,
The spirit of wisdom and understanding,
The spirit of counsel and strength,
The spirit of knowledge and the fear of the LORD.
3And He will delight in the fear of the LORD,
And He will not judge by what His eyes see,
Nor make a decision by what His ears hear;
4But with righteousness He will judge the poor,
And decide with fairness for the afflicted of the earth;
And He will strike the earth with the rod of His mouth,
And with the breath of His lips He will slay the wicked.
5Also righteousness will be the belt about His loins,
And faithfulness the belt about His waist. (Isaiah 11:1-5)

THANK YOU THAT THE MESSIAH HAS COME!!!!!

1"I love You, O LORD, my strength."
2The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge;
My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
3I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised,
And I am saved from my enemies. (Psalm 18:1-3)

THE MIGHTY ONE OF ISRAEL IS MY STRENGTH!!!!!

.....16And He saw that there was no man,
And was astonished that there was no one to intercede;
Then His own arm brought salvation to Him,
And His righteousness upheld Him.
17He put on righteousness like a breastplate,
And a helmet of salvation on His head;
And He put on garments of vengeance for clothing
And wrapped Himself with zeal as a mantle.
18According to their deeds, so He will repay,
Wrath to His adversaries, recompense to His enemies;
To the coastlands He will make recompense.
19So they will fear the name of the LORD from the west
And His glory from the rising of the sun,
For He will come like a rushing stream
Which the wind of the LORD drives.
20"A Redeemer will come to Zion,
And to those who turn from transgression in Jacob," declares the LORD.

21"As for Me, this is My covenant with them," says the LORD: "My Spirit which is upon you, and My words which I have put in your mouth shall not depart from your mouth, nor from the mouth of your offspring, nor from the mouth of your offspring's offspring," says the LORD, "from now and forever."(Isaiah 59:16-21)

.....Day and night they do not cease to say, "HOLY, HOLY, HOLY is THE LORD GOD, THE ALMIGHTY, WHO WAS AND WHO IS AND WHO IS TO COME." (Revelation 4:8)

My Job, Lessons Learned & God's Provision!!!

I know this is long but PLEASE read it when you can. It is very important to me and I would greatly appreciate it!!! :-)

As you know the interview that I was supposed to have before leaving for vacation never happened. They never called for the interview and never called me back after I called them. They also never responded to my voice mail or e-mail........now the job is gone and I have no idea what happened.....other than to conclude that it was NOT the job that the LORD wanted me to have. So far I have received three rejections....not even given interviews and these are all for jobs that I am more than qualified for and even jobs that are the same exact thing that I do now! I applied for three more jobs since then and have still heard nothing.

I have been praying this whole time that the LORD would bring me to the job where HE wants me to be in order to further the advancement of the Gospel and to increase my boldness! I 100% accept that if that means HE wants me to stay at my current job of 25 hours per week in order for my boss or someone else to get saved, SO BE IT! If that means going outside of Harvard and losing the amazing benefits/vacation/perks, SO BE IT! If it means finding a full-time job (which is what I've been looking for from the beginning, I didn't CHOOSE part-time, it was what was hiring and the best transition for me when I moved back to MA) and taking a pay cut, SO BE IT!!!!!!! God already KNOWS!!!!!!

"The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps." (Proverbs 16:9)

I really believe that. God is teaching me a lot though in my current job situation. One main theme is, "How do you expect to be a great worker somewhere else when you are not being your best where you are at?" I do a great job and get everything done but am I striving towards excellence in all that I do? Sadly no. God has really been impressing this scripture on my heart,

"Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance It is the Lord Christ whom you serve." (Colossians 3:22-24)

God knows my situation. It does not take Him by surprise!!! :-) I have also had a good reality check recently, Jay kindly reminds me that ALL of my IMMEDIATE needs are being taken care of, God ALWAYS provides for me and has NEVER left me with nothing!!!! I was reminded of times in the past where I only had change in the bank, but you know what, I HAD change in the bank! Also, there were COUNTLESS time when the LORD blessed me through others who anonymously sent me money and left scriptures with it. Two of those scriptures I still remember and often reflect on them,

"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands...." (Deuteronomy 7:9)

"I the LORD do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed. Ever since the time of your forefathers you have turned away from my decrees and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you," says the LORD Almighty. "But you ask, 'How are we to return?' "Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me. "But you ask, 'How do we rob you?' "In tithes and offerings. You are under a curse—the whole nation of you—because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it. I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not cast their fruit," says the LORD Almighty. "Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land," says the LORD Almighty. (Malachi 3:6-12)

So is this whole "job issue" really just a matter of the "heart" or completely "financial"?

I believe it is both. God has and is continuing to work on my heart, to be the best. I still fall short of this daily (as does the whole human race!) but I know in my heart and mind that I am not giving my best ultimately to the LORD through ALL that I DO and SAY in my life!!! Some may say that I am being too hard on myself and to give myself some grace. I understand that but the LORD has called us to a higher standard of living and I'm not trying to be a perfectionist, (none of us can even come close to perfection this side of Heaven) I am simply desiring to "up-the-Annie" so to speak and truly LIVE OUT LOUD the way the LORD calls me to attain to living. Apart from HIM I can't do anything, I don't even have the energy to think of living how I should. Honestly, plain and simple, I want to live as the person He made me to be!

I want to be an imitator of God! (Ephesians 5:1-2)

I want to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which I have been called! (Ephesians 4:1-3)

I'm sick of my own self, my whining, and especially at times my ungratefulness! I have NO ROOM to complain, I really don't! You know what, all of my immediate needs ARE being taken care of: Rent, Tithe, Food, Utilities and just enough to make minimum payments towards paying off my PAST debt (currently around $6,000).

Thank you to those who love me and have blessed me with other things such as treating me to dinner/movie/coffee/activities and for randomly giving me grocery items and/or money. My cousins Melissa/Mike who gave me a good deal while living with them which made my transition to MA smoother, my parents for letting me use their new car for a year without charging me anything and also for blessing me with the money I needed to get into my Apt. with Sandra, my sister Sondra (through Maria) who blessed me with an unexpected gift which allowed me to pay off a little debt and buy a chair for my living room.

I also thank God for Jay who has been an amazing support to me, who has helped me financially on countless occasions and blessed me with a winter coat/boots/clothing/etc. It is so humbling and I DO NOT like to ASK for anything. I NEVER want to look like "that needy girlfriend who can't fend for herself", but Jay said something amazing to me that I totally didn't expect for him to say, "Aren't I a husband in training? I want you to come to me. I want to know how to provide for you. Let me love you." THANK YOU GOD!!!

Sometimes I don't think I deserve such good treatment and blessing from God or anyone for that matter because I put myself into debt. I am NOT furthering my debt but because I was never able to pay it off completely and have only been able to make minimum or just over minimum payments, it of course just sits there and accumulates more interest/finance charges.....even after lowering my APR, transferring everything (for the most part) to one account, etc. Friends have encouraged me to not stress out so much about this and that I basically have my whole life to pay it off, but I HATE knowing that I owe so much (to me it is feels like $1 million dollars!)

Also, I just want to be the best steward of what God has entrusted to me. In thinking of my future with Jay, I know that in marriage (we are talking more about this and believe God is leading us in this direction but no plans yet folks) my debt will become his debt. I don't feel like that is fair to him to walk into marriage with debt when he doesn't have any. He basically told me though that it wasn't a big deal and that it would get paid off.

So basically I keep trying to take the "reins" of my life and think things like,

"Well, if I just got a really good-paying full-time job, especially still within Harvard, then I could pay off all my debt, be able to tithe beyond what I'm "supposed to", be able to financially support and bless the missionaries and ministries that I have been wanting to help for years, actually be able to HAVE money in my savings account, be better prepared for unexpected situations in the future, be able to not worry about having to buy "necessary" clothing/other items or doing something fun and not feel guilty about it, freedom to travel and especially to be able to go on mission trips. I DON'T need nor do I even desire to be rich!!!!! I honestly just want to have enough to live/tithe/save and BE ABLE TO BLESS OTHERS!!!!"

Thank you all for praying and continuing to pray for me as well as my roommate Sandra. She was laid off around a month and a half ago (the hospital she worked at closed down and 70+ people were layed off) and was receiving severance pay which just ended today. Well, PRAISE GOD THAT SHE GOT A NEW NURSING JOB AND STARTED TODAY!!!!!!!!!!! God is so awesome and comes through all the time......even at times when it's right down to the wire! HE IS GOOD!

I often tell people that God rewards faithfulness and obedience. I am also learning more and more that "Obeying the voice of the LORD is better than sacrifice" (1 Samuel 15:22)

I thank you all so much for your countless prayers on my behalf and ask you to continue to pray for me. Please let me know how I can be praying for you as well, I want to know your needs and I really want to pray for you!!!!! Let's all live as HE lived and let it be in such a way that we would continually walk in the manner worthy of the calling with which we have been called-AMEN!!!!!

In Him,
Sarha :-)

Jay's Heart and a Shared Prayer

My love posted this today.

I am touched by his humbleness and desire to change.

It echos the ache I find in my heart at times......

To be better.

To love God more.

To enter into His Glorious Kingdom and to stand in the presence of the Almighty!!!

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Life

If anyone reads this, please pray for me. I want to just be a better person. For God, my girlfriend, my friends, and even myself. A lot of times I feel like I don't have the energy or willpower do to the simple little things that other people seem to have no problems with. I need to be less selfish and more generous. It's hard for me to open up. I want to know God more as well. I want to hear God say, "Well done faithful servant, enter in to joy today." I feel like I haven't been the most faithful servant. Not even close. I want to live life more abundantly and be in God's will.

Breaking open the Word of God.....

Studying God's Word has been AWESOME! We are going through an End Times study at Sha'ar which has been interesting and informative.....as well as confusing sometimes. I like to ask a lot of questions. I am blown away by all the things that I've never heard before in the "traditional christian church" that seemed to either get skimmed over quickly or not talked about at all. I am also continually fascinated as I learn more about the Jewish roots and how I have been grafted into the family......while provoking the Jews to jealousy which prayerfully will result in their hearts turning to Yeshua Ha'Mashiach-The Messiah.

In my own personal study times (mainly on my train rides to and from work) I've mostly been reading in 1st and 2nd Samuel....well I started in Ruth....went into Judges and then just decided to keep going. It's been really cool! I'm really getting an up close and personal view of David's life. I've been moved by his deep friendship/kinship with Jonathan and identified with the pain of their separation. I was also touched and saddened by Saul's progressive downfall.......how he held David in high esteem and as a son.....then came to despise him out of jealousy and wanted to kill him. What touched me deeply was when Saul spoke this to David after David had spared his life.....

1 Samuel 24:16-20

16 Saul asked, "Is that your voice, David my son?" And he wept aloud. 17 "You are more righteous than I," he said. "You have treated me well, but I have treated you badly. 18 You have just now told me of the good you did to me; the LORD delivered me into your hands, but you did not kill me. 19 When a man finds his enemy, does he let him get away unharmed? May the LORD reward you well for the way you treated me today. 20 I know that you will surely be king and that the kingdom of Israel will be established in your hands.

I started a pretty basic bible study (Ames) with my roommate and we worked through our 1st lesson today. I was so proud of her and excited to see her get into the Word and read out loud, asking questions and reading the surrounding verses to get what the context of the scriptures is saying. I think we went for almost 2 hours and we only got through about half of the 1st lesson! Well, there is no better way to study the bible than to dig deep! Jay & I will be starting a bible study together as well. We don't have any structured format but the important thing is that we want to get in the word together (and individually of course) and allow the Lord to teach us and draw us closer to Himself and each other.

A couple weeks ago I started beseeching the Lord and asking Him again to show me what He wants me to do ministry wise......also letting Him know that I am still open to missions. I want to be a witness to the world!!! Well, just 2 days after I asked, He opened up a door for me to share about God's love, hope and salvation with a guy name John that I met on the train. I will definitely write more about him later-it is an intense story!!! There have also been 2 other people that I've met on the train (one of which works at my YMCA) that I've had the opportunity to chat with and talk about God!!!

God's Word is living and active and I'm amazed at how conversations have started just from people seeing me reading my Book and asking me what it is.

I tell them, "I'm reading the Bible, you have to arm yourself with the Word of God and fill yourself with The Truth everyday!"

AMEN!!!

He Loves Me!!!!!

This morning Jay made me the happiest woman alive. He told me that he loves me!!!!!

I love him soooooooo much and I've actually loved him from the beginning.

He said he's been wanting to tell me but he was a bit scared and wanted to wait until he was ready.

Thank you GOD for bringing us into each others lives and at just the right time.

I found the one my heart loves.....

(Song of Solomon 3:4)