Just close your eyes.....

and it'll go way.....it'll get better.

Sometimes when I find myself in pain, heartache or deep longing.......it helps to just close my eyes.

After work today I "took myself out" to a movie. I went to see "Dan in Real Life" and I highly recommend it. I won't share a lot of details in case any of you go see it. But I will say this......it made me really feel. It made me want to cling a lot longer to the promised hope of my future husband. It caused me to not waver in believing without a doubt what the Lord told me when I was driving in my car about 2 years ago. He told me, "You're getting married.....he's coming soon."

I have been going through an intensely deep longing period lately. I'm "missing" my husband. I don't know where he is, who he is, what he'll look like or be like.....but I am so excited to meet him. My heart is very heavy. I've been describing it as a woman whose husband has gone off to war and she stands at the window to keep watch for his safe return home.

I've also been sad about no longer having my big sis around. I miss her a lot and have been struggling to remember what she looked like when she was well. I try hard to envision her in my mind and sometimes have to get a picture of her. I am afraid that I'll forget what she looks like. Last night I held a picture of her on my chest and talked to her.....telling her how much I love and miss her. I put her picture on my nightstand and held my hand out to hold hers. Then I dreamt about her. I just saw her face. She turned to look at me and smiling big she said, "Hi!" and waved to me. I woke up crying but was comforted by how happy she was.

Even in the midst of my longing and sadness, I am happy. I have been so giddy and free lately and people have noticed the difference in me. Last night at bible study I was so silly and lighthearted. I was goofing off, doing silly dances and making up crazy songs after worship practice. I played the piano a lot and taught Mike how to play "Unchained Melody." Man, I love the piano and really want to take it up again.

Before we left Jay said to Melissa, "Sarha is so childlike." That made me smile. On our way home last night Melissa said to me, "I don't know what's going on with you but for the past 2 weeks you've been really different.....funny and so carefree.....like a huge load has been lifted off of you." My response was, "He turned my wailing into dancing."

A load has been lifted off of me. It is God's doing. He's taking care of His girl.

You turned my wailing into dancing;

you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy.....



that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.


O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.



Psalm 30:11-12