My Job, Lessons Learned & God's Provision!!!

I know this is long but PLEASE read it when you can. It is very important to me and I would greatly appreciate it!!! :-)

As you know the interview that I was supposed to have before leaving for vacation never happened. They never called for the interview and never called me back after I called them. They also never responded to my voice mail or e-mail........now the job is gone and I have no idea what happened.....other than to conclude that it was NOT the job that the LORD wanted me to have. So far I have received three rejections....not even given interviews and these are all for jobs that I am more than qualified for and even jobs that are the same exact thing that I do now! I applied for three more jobs since then and have still heard nothing.

I have been praying this whole time that the LORD would bring me to the job where HE wants me to be in order to further the advancement of the Gospel and to increase my boldness! I 100% accept that if that means HE wants me to stay at my current job of 25 hours per week in order for my boss or someone else to get saved, SO BE IT! If that means going outside of Harvard and losing the amazing benefits/vacation/perks, SO BE IT! If it means finding a full-time job (which is what I've been looking for from the beginning, I didn't CHOOSE part-time, it was what was hiring and the best transition for me when I moved back to MA) and taking a pay cut, SO BE IT!!!!!!! God already KNOWS!!!!!!

"The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps." (Proverbs 16:9)

I really believe that. God is teaching me a lot though in my current job situation. One main theme is, "How do you expect to be a great worker somewhere else when you are not being your best where you are at?" I do a great job and get everything done but am I striving towards excellence in all that I do? Sadly no. God has really been impressing this scripture on my heart,

"Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance It is the Lord Christ whom you serve." (Colossians 3:22-24)

God knows my situation. It does not take Him by surprise!!! :-) I have also had a good reality check recently, Jay kindly reminds me that ALL of my IMMEDIATE needs are being taken care of, God ALWAYS provides for me and has NEVER left me with nothing!!!! I was reminded of times in the past where I only had change in the bank, but you know what, I HAD change in the bank! Also, there were COUNTLESS time when the LORD blessed me through others who anonymously sent me money and left scriptures with it. Two of those scriptures I still remember and often reflect on them,

"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands...." (Deuteronomy 7:9)

"I the LORD do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed. Ever since the time of your forefathers you have turned away from my decrees and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you," says the LORD Almighty. "But you ask, 'How are we to return?' "Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me. "But you ask, 'How do we rob you?' "In tithes and offerings. You are under a curse—the whole nation of you—because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it. I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not cast their fruit," says the LORD Almighty. "Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land," says the LORD Almighty. (Malachi 3:6-12)

So is this whole "job issue" really just a matter of the "heart" or completely "financial"?

I believe it is both. God has and is continuing to work on my heart, to be the best. I still fall short of this daily (as does the whole human race!) but I know in my heart and mind that I am not giving my best ultimately to the LORD through ALL that I DO and SAY in my life!!! Some may say that I am being too hard on myself and to give myself some grace. I understand that but the LORD has called us to a higher standard of living and I'm not trying to be a perfectionist, (none of us can even come close to perfection this side of Heaven) I am simply desiring to "up-the-Annie" so to speak and truly LIVE OUT LOUD the way the LORD calls me to attain to living. Apart from HIM I can't do anything, I don't even have the energy to think of living how I should. Honestly, plain and simple, I want to live as the person He made me to be!

I want to be an imitator of God! (Ephesians 5:1-2)

I want to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which I have been called! (Ephesians 4:1-3)

I'm sick of my own self, my whining, and especially at times my ungratefulness! I have NO ROOM to complain, I really don't! You know what, all of my immediate needs ARE being taken care of: Rent, Tithe, Food, Utilities and just enough to make minimum payments towards paying off my PAST debt (currently around $6,000).

Thank you to those who love me and have blessed me with other things such as treating me to dinner/movie/coffee/activities and for randomly giving me grocery items and/or money. My cousins Melissa/Mike who gave me a good deal while living with them which made my transition to MA smoother, my parents for letting me use their new car for a year without charging me anything and also for blessing me with the money I needed to get into my Apt. with Sandra, my sister Sondra (through Maria) who blessed me with an unexpected gift which allowed me to pay off a little debt and buy a chair for my living room.

I also thank God for Jay who has been an amazing support to me, who has helped me financially on countless occasions and blessed me with a winter coat/boots/clothing/etc. It is so humbling and I DO NOT like to ASK for anything. I NEVER want to look like "that needy girlfriend who can't fend for herself", but Jay said something amazing to me that I totally didn't expect for him to say, "Aren't I a husband in training? I want you to come to me. I want to know how to provide for you. Let me love you." THANK YOU GOD!!!

Sometimes I don't think I deserve such good treatment and blessing from God or anyone for that matter because I put myself into debt. I am NOT furthering my debt but because I was never able to pay it off completely and have only been able to make minimum or just over minimum payments, it of course just sits there and accumulates more interest/finance charges.....even after lowering my APR, transferring everything (for the most part) to one account, etc. Friends have encouraged me to not stress out so much about this and that I basically have my whole life to pay it off, but I HATE knowing that I owe so much (to me it is feels like $1 million dollars!)

Also, I just want to be the best steward of what God has entrusted to me. In thinking of my future with Jay, I know that in marriage (we are talking more about this and believe God is leading us in this direction but no plans yet folks) my debt will become his debt. I don't feel like that is fair to him to walk into marriage with debt when he doesn't have any. He basically told me though that it wasn't a big deal and that it would get paid off.

So basically I keep trying to take the "reins" of my life and think things like,

"Well, if I just got a really good-paying full-time job, especially still within Harvard, then I could pay off all my debt, be able to tithe beyond what I'm "supposed to", be able to financially support and bless the missionaries and ministries that I have been wanting to help for years, actually be able to HAVE money in my savings account, be better prepared for unexpected situations in the future, be able to not worry about having to buy "necessary" clothing/other items or doing something fun and not feel guilty about it, freedom to travel and especially to be able to go on mission trips. I DON'T need nor do I even desire to be rich!!!!! I honestly just want to have enough to live/tithe/save and BE ABLE TO BLESS OTHERS!!!!"

Thank you all for praying and continuing to pray for me as well as my roommate Sandra. She was laid off around a month and a half ago (the hospital she worked at closed down and 70+ people were layed off) and was receiving severance pay which just ended today. Well, PRAISE GOD THAT SHE GOT A NEW NURSING JOB AND STARTED TODAY!!!!!!!!!!! God is so awesome and comes through all the time......even at times when it's right down to the wire! HE IS GOOD!

I often tell people that God rewards faithfulness and obedience. I am also learning more and more that "Obeying the voice of the LORD is better than sacrifice" (1 Samuel 15:22)

I thank you all so much for your countless prayers on my behalf and ask you to continue to pray for me. Please let me know how I can be praying for you as well, I want to know your needs and I really want to pray for you!!!!! Let's all live as HE lived and let it be in such a way that we would continually walk in the manner worthy of the calling with which we have been called-AMEN!!!!!

In Him,
Sarha :-)