Parched and dried up in this desert place.....

Not much is going on, well at least nothing really note worthy. I've been pretty blah lately and haven't been who I used to be. My relationship with God just isn't where it was before. It was awesome last year....figures, it was during the most horrendous time of my life that my walk was almost at its best. Now, I don't know what's up. I don't feel close to Him right now. I haven't been feeling stirred by the Word or the Holy Spirit. I have been lazy with getting in the Word regularly and pretty much don't have a prayer life. I've let things come out of my mouth that shouldn't come out of it and I've allowed myself to do things that I shouldn't do. For months now I've felt like I'm just playing "lip service" to my faith and that people would hardly recognize that I'm actually a true believer. I hope this passes. I don't feel real. This is affecting every area of my life.

I'm not saying that everything lately has been all bad cause there have been a lot of good things that have happened too. I'm still loosing weight........Jay & I are doing well and getting closer each day, I love him a lot.......I got a dollar raise at work, stuff like that. But, I'm just not satisfied. I'm not fulfilled. I've been chasing after worthless things.....counterfeits......things to quickly feed my flesh to stop the hunger within......only leaving me with a gut-wrenching, gnawing hole bigger than the one I tried to fill with everything BUT God. I know that I know that I know that God IS exactly what I want and IS the ONLY thing that will completely satisfy and fulfill me and give me fullness of life. But, I can't see Him. I can't touch Him. I can't hear His audible voice. I can't wait for the misery and pressures of this world to end and for the peace of God to come.

I don't want to love the world.

I want to love God.

Please have mercy Oh LORD and lead me beside the still waters again.

Rain on me.