Who is Jay?.....

someone asked.

Jay is my new BFF or as he says BFL (best friend for life) :-) ;-P >:o)

We have known each other for a year now. We go to the same congregation and he is one of Mike's (my cousin Melissa's husband) best friends.

Jay rocks-literally!

He is a great musician and writer. He plays electric and acoustic guitar, bass and has messed around with the drums some. He has written a lot of his own music and is currently the bassist for "Preachers", a Christian punk band with Mike and Pat. He plays for The King of Kings!!!

Jay is soooooooo metal that it practically seeps from his pores! hahahahaha

God has such a great sense of humor with us! We could not be more opposite! Yeah, so it's basically pretty awesome. :-)

Right now I guess we are "undefined" and we're OK with that.

We are best friends. We have feelings for each other. We talk until the wee hours of the night, for some reason it always seems to be around or past 2am when we are saying goodbye-Yikes! Can you say COFFEE?! hahaha

We can talk to each other about anything and without fear.

We trust each other.

He gives great "hubba hubba" hugs! :oP

God is our common thread, the golden fiber that is weaving our friendship together.

God first in all things.

We love, cherish and honor HIM.

God has put us in each other's lives.....

For such a time as this!

Godfrey

It was very crowded this morning on the subway. The snow and cold from the night before and the remnants of it today brought more people on the trains. Usually I get a seat right away but it wasn't until I got to Park Street that I was able to sit down. I slid over one seat which allowed for an older African man to sit down. He took his seat beside me and said, "Thank you. How are you this morning?" We then proceeded to make a little small talk which is something I rarely ever find myself engaging in when riding the T.

After the silence broke up our small talk, I took out my bible and began to read in Psalms from where I left off the day before. As I was reading, I happened to notice out of the corner of my eye how worn this gentleman's hands were and he moved them around every so often. I kept reading my bible hoping that it would spark his curiosity and maybe God would spark an interest in his heart for Jesus. After many stops later, I reached my Harvard destination and closed my bible and placed it back into my purse. Then the gentleman said to me, "That's good." And to my surprise, without any hesitation I said, "You have to arm yourself with the Word of God every day." He said, "That's right."

Even though we had reached our destination and were getting off the train, we kept talking. In a brief time span of about 3 minutes I shared my Christmas plans and about the loss of my sister. He had so much compassion in his eyes. I really felt it. Then he shook my hand. I asked for his name and he said, "Godfrey." I then introduced myself and we shook hands again. When we got off the platform we said our goodbyes and gave each other God's blessings and he reached out and hugged me! It was incredible! I felt like he was an angel sent by God. As I headed up the escalator I heard singing. When I got to the top there was a huge choir singing, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas", right there in the subway station! It was the most beautiful thing I've heard in a long time. They sounded so angelic.

My heart is touched.

The LORD is good.

He rejoices over me with singing.

Guarding My Heart With Mesh.....

Instead Of Stone.

Above all else, guard your heart,

for it is the wellspring of life.

(Proverbs 4:23 )

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you:

Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

(Song of Solomon 8:4)

God this is hard.

But it is so beautiful.

Please walk with Jay and I as we journey down this road together,

not fully knowing where it's leading,

surrendering our hopes and dreams to you.....

Our Creator who knit us together in our mother's womb,

Who has all our days ordained in Your Book,

Will our stories meet in the middle and finish together?

I don't know.

I don't have to know right now.....

You will make it clear.

Your timing is perfect.

All we have to do is continue to walk alongside you,

keeping ourselves open to Your Will.

My hands are empty,

waiting to be filled.

I stand.

A lady in waiting.

Just close your eyes.....

and it'll go way.....it'll get better.

Sometimes when I find myself in pain, heartache or deep longing.......it helps to just close my eyes.

After work today I "took myself out" to a movie. I went to see "Dan in Real Life" and I highly recommend it. I won't share a lot of details in case any of you go see it. But I will say this......it made me really feel. It made me want to cling a lot longer to the promised hope of my future husband. It caused me to not waver in believing without a doubt what the Lord told me when I was driving in my car about 2 years ago. He told me, "You're getting married.....he's coming soon."

I have been going through an intensely deep longing period lately. I'm "missing" my husband. I don't know where he is, who he is, what he'll look like or be like.....but I am so excited to meet him. My heart is very heavy. I've been describing it as a woman whose husband has gone off to war and she stands at the window to keep watch for his safe return home.

I've also been sad about no longer having my big sis around. I miss her a lot and have been struggling to remember what she looked like when she was well. I try hard to envision her in my mind and sometimes have to get a picture of her. I am afraid that I'll forget what she looks like. Last night I held a picture of her on my chest and talked to her.....telling her how much I love and miss her. I put her picture on my nightstand and held my hand out to hold hers. Then I dreamt about her. I just saw her face. She turned to look at me and smiling big she said, "Hi!" and waved to me. I woke up crying but was comforted by how happy she was.

Even in the midst of my longing and sadness, I am happy. I have been so giddy and free lately and people have noticed the difference in me. Last night at bible study I was so silly and lighthearted. I was goofing off, doing silly dances and making up crazy songs after worship practice. I played the piano a lot and taught Mike how to play "Unchained Melody." Man, I love the piano and really want to take it up again.

Before we left Jay said to Melissa, "Sarha is so childlike." That made me smile. On our way home last night Melissa said to me, "I don't know what's going on with you but for the past 2 weeks you've been really different.....funny and so carefree.....like a huge load has been lifted off of you." My response was, "He turned my wailing into dancing."

A load has been lifted off of me. It is God's doing. He's taking care of His girl.

You turned my wailing into dancing;

you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy.....



that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.


O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.



Psalm 30:11-12

Fasting for six months...

Although it would be cool to be super human and be able to fast from food for six months......that's not what I'm doing. I made a pact with Jess last month that we would fast some things that we love for six months. The main thing that we shared was clothes. I have become more aware lately of the amount of money I spend on things needlessly and carelessly. God has put me in a living situation that is ideal for saving money which I haven't been doing at all.

I have found myself "emotional shopping". It unfortunately has been very therapeutic for me during my family's excruciating and stressful times over this past year. There are a lot of good things that I want to do but don't have the money for because as soon as I get paid my money is gone off to paying store cards after shopping sprees. So with the new and sad awareness of my bad spending habits the Holy Spirit spurred me on to fast for 6 months. So the things that I love and am fasting from buying are:

Clothes/Shoes/Accessories
DVD's
CD's
Books

I am also fasting these things because I want to hear from the heart of God. I long to intently tune into His Voice and His Word.....which is living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword, penetrating even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; judging the thoughts and attitudes of my heart. Nothing hidden from His sight. Everything uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom I must give account. (Hebrews 4:12-13)

I want to receive His instruction and counsel in regards to my future and the way in which I should go. Yielding to His Holy Spirit and not fighting Him like and stubborn mule that needs to be controlled by a bit and bridle in order to come to Him. (Psalm 32:7-9, Proverbs 22:6, Isaiah 48:16-18, Psalm 143:7-9)

There are a lot of changes coming ahead for me. This time I am openly welcoming them. I am not scared. I am not nervous. And I am not worried. I am excited and thrust my arms up towards His Holy Hill.

No need to hold on for dear life.....

I freely let go and enjoy the ride.

I run in the path of your commands,
for you have set my heart free.
(Psalm 119:32)